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Chapter 41
Phin
Lizzie set up the meeting with my mother. Every night when she got home, we discussed our plans. Lizzie sat tirelessly helping me rehearse scenarios and things to say to my mother. She walked me through ways to contain my anger and not get upset. She helped me use the devices I learned in therapy to help me cope. I'd been avoiding all the emotions that came with having a complete breakthrough every day.
My therapist encouraged me not to assign blame to my mother for the abuse, or for being homeless. Lizzie was taking the brunt of my moods by letting me snap at her. I also wasn't sleeping, and I hadn't felt like having sex either. Despite Lizzie's attempts with blow jobs, we'd been sex free all week. Regardless of my current mood, my therapist was confident my meeting with my mother would go well.
I'd spent all week taking my anxiety and frustration out on the cleaning products and surfaces around the house. Cleaning was the stress reliever that my mind and body needed to feel at peace as the dirt vanished off the surfaces. At one point, I was following Lizzie around with a rag and my favorite cleaning solution, trying to clean every spot she touched. Lizzie was not amused, and she'd begun to lose patience with me.
She grabbed the products out of my hands. "Phin, I swear if you clean that spot again, I am cutting you off for a week! You are borderline OCD." From the fire in her eyes, I knew she wasn't joking. She was mad, so I stopped following her and went to try to wind down by going down on her. Placing her on the counter and opening her wide was the best distraction I could imagine. I'd clean that spot later.
When Friday morning finally arrived, I was on edge, and I needed to calm down. Lizzie went off to her office. I decided to do the one thing that had always helped me relax. I needed to clean.
By the time I finished cleaning, you could eat off the floor. I'd been watching the clock all day, and finally, I got dressed for the meeting with my mother. I'd wear my newest jeans and the black dress shirt Lizzie got me for our date. I wouldn’t make too much of an effort for her; she'd not earned it. She could take me or leave me as I was now. I rolled up the sleeves on my shirt, tucked it into my jeans and ran my fingers through my still damp long hair. My hair had grown past my shoulders. I probably should have had a haircut, but Lizzie loved it, and I knew my mother would hate it. Lizzie didn't like shoes on in the house, and I knew she wanted me barefoot, so I compromised by putting on fun multi-colored socks. My mother would hate those too; their whimsy would piss her off. Those little victories gave me some satisfaction.
Lizzie texted me to let me know she was on her way home from the office. My shoulders were so tense you could bounce a quarter off them. I needed to relax before she arrived, so I wiped down the kitchen counter again.
My mother was always prompt. If she showed up before Lizzie, I wouldn’t answer the door. I knew it was a chickenshit move, but I also knew I couldn't do it without Lizzie being here with me.
I heard Lizzie's keys hit the door and it felt like a swarm of butterflies were fluttering in my stomach. She hadn't even made it in the door when my arms were around her, holding her tight.
"I am glad I'm home too, Phin." She tightened her arms around me.
When I looked down at her, she was smiling. "I was so worried she would get here before you did."
She pushed up on her toes and kissed me hard on the lips to reassure me and attempt to reduce some of my tension.
"I know you're nervous, but I'll be here to help you get through it. We'll get it done, and then tonight I'll help take away the rest of that tension."
"I'll take you up on that; it's been a long week. I've missed you."
She gave me a very mischievous grin and stifled a giggle. "I've missed you too. Despite the fact, you were right here."
My mouth devoured hers, I needed to calm my nerves, and kissing her would alleviate the tension between the both of us. I needed our connection to calm my nerves.
Lizzie leaned back to let us both catch our breath. I didn't want to see my mother after all these years with a giant boner. Lizzie must have sensed this because she quietly led me into the living room; we flopped down on the sofa. She told me about her day, trying to take my mind off my mother's impending arrival. Just as I began to forget, the doorbell rang, and my heartbeat raced like a herd of bulls running through the streets of Spain.
Lizzie gave me a warm, confident smile. "You are ready for this. Remember I am here with you. Now, I'll get the door."
I had to give her another quick kiss for courage. "Thanks, Lizzie, let's do this. You know, I love you."
Squeezing my hand. "I love you too."
Now I knew everything would be okay. I watched Lizzie walk to the door and waited for my fate.
