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ALEXIS, AKA TRAPPED IN DUMMY HELL
All my inspirationalpep talks earlier today fade from my head when I walk into West’s comfy family home. I’m surrounded by his handsome brother, beautiful mother, and, of course, the impossibly gorgeous West. I feel wrong here. Like the help who’s overstayed her welcome.
That’s terrible thinking! I’m worth as much as anyone. Even if that’s not true, who cares? People lie to themselves every day.
I decide my dreams have inflated too much too fast. A week ago, I only wanted to start my business and enjoy my couch. Then, West rumbled his way into my life. I looked forward to using the rich boy’s generosity to make life fun. Soon, I’d be on easy street as his baby mama. Except West can’t stop one-upping my dreams. Now, he’s talking marriage, kids who live in a nuclear family unit, and a house on this slice of West Virginia paradise.
I can’t keep up!
As his girlfriend, I was fine. As his baby mama, I could manage. As his wife, I have responsibilities.
I’m expected to stop being a Toomey. And I excel as a member of that family. I’m the scrappy outsider who wears clown makeup and sees the future. I talk a lot and keep people at a distance. From afar, I’m fascinating. Up close, I’m bound to fail.
And West’s family plans to get all up in my face. They’ll pick at my weaknesses, drawing attention to problems I’d prefer to ignore.
And what can I do? Fighting is pointless. Mocking them back doesn’t work since they’re all great like West. I haven’t been this miserable since I decided to take advantage of the free pre-SAT test at school. In my head, I was sure I absorbed a bunch of stuff over my twelve educational years. Sure, my grades sucked, but I probably still knew a lot of untapped info, right? I might do well enough to warrant going to college. I might be a secret genius!
Then, I opened the test and quickly realized I didn’t know anything. I was immediately overwhelmed yet too embarrassed to walk out. That was the Fontaine side holding me back. The Toomey in me would have bailed as soon as I got stumped. Why waste time on a losing bet? But I sat there for hours, trying to come up with answers to questions I didn’t understand. I’d never felt like a bigger loser.
Until today!
The more West says he loves me and I’m special, the more I know I’m in trouble. I can’t live up to the fantasies in his beautiful head. His family sees the real Alexis Fontaine, and they’ll poke at me until West accepts the truth, too.
I feel myself sinking back into the doom I wallowed in back at the trailer park. That’s why I blew off West the first time we met. I knew he was more than I could handle. I’d just get hurt and feel bad while he moved on with his perfect life.
Now, I’ve been swept into his sunny existence and promised too much. I’m terrified of falling from the lofty heights I’ve been dragged to by West.
But what can I do?Running isn’t an option. Explaining the truth to a blind West never works. I can only ride this thing out to its bitter end.
West’s kisses dull my panic, leaving me reminiscing about the fun we had at the hotel. I liked waking up next to him. We messed around in the shower, nearly losing our balance and crashing out of the tub. Breakfast felt so comfortable like we were old friends catching up.
I talk myself into imagining us living in a house not so different than the one West grew up in. We share a bed every night. I’ll learn to cook. We can have a cat. I’ll clean up the house while he does biker stuff. We can eat outside like he says his family does. Or maybe not. After all, even in my wildest fantasies, I’ll never do well in the heat.
With another pep talk under my belt, I take West’s hand as we return to the family room. In my head, Val will have gotten bored and taken off, leaving Poppy alone. I suspect I can face off with her. She’s on her best behavior today. We can stay focused on topics like how she mothered her beautiful children, learned to cook amazing food, and adopted entertaining cats. That’s a stimulating conversation right there!
And I’m right about Val losing patience and leaving. In his place are four additional women. One is Tuesday, who struggles to fill her celery stick with peanut butter. One of them flips out of her hand and lands near a short-haired blonde trying to murder me with her eyes.
“Hey, I’m doing something here,” she complains to Tuesday.
“My snack won’t interrupt you stinking up the house.”
“Poppy, your daughter is nasty.”
Frowning at her older sister, Poppy replies, “Rie once threatened to shit on my porch. Don’t act so high and mighty.”
“Yes, but I also raised Matilda, who never threatened to shit anywhere except the toilet. That’s a win, baby.”
The other two new blonde women glance at each other and share an eye roll. The oldest of them smiles warmly at me. That’s got to be Christine Earlham Sheerer Adams Sheerer—veterinarian, uppity bitch who left Tumbling Rock, country girl with a heart of gold who returned to Tumbling Rock, and the mother of the three middle-aged women currently eyeballing me.
The short-haired blonde with the daughter who threatened to shit on the porch must be Justice since she has two daughters. I’ve got this family tree down pat!
That makes the other blonde—with her muscled arms and thick dark brows in contrast to her fairer hair—Journey. I have yet to meet her two children. One is a biker like West. The other is a bitch like Tuesday. At least, that’s according to West, who gave me the rundown on everyone as he ate his bedtime meal.
“I’m Alexis,” I announce. “I have stolen West’s heart with no intention of returning it.”
This comment wins a grin from my blond beefcake. The women aren’t so sure.
“Your cousin’s a cunt-muncher,” Tuesday says, finally just using her celery as a spoon to dig peanut butter from the jar.
