Page 66 of Bad News Babe


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“If you mean Zelda, she only did that for a summer until a squirrel shit on the girl’s head.”

Tuesday stares at me before blinking rapidly as if coming out of a dream. “What?”

“You explain your thing first.”

“I meant she was a terrible person with a nasty mouth. I think she might be best friend material. Give me her number.”

West strokes my back and explains, “My sister has trouble keeping girlfriends since she’s terrible to them.”

“I prefer the term ‘brutally honest to a fault’ to that terrible crap you’re spewing, snot-for-brains.”

“My daughters are best friends,” Justice announces as if she can’t help blurting out shit about herself. That does fit with what West told me about his aunt. “They’re currently bonding in a beach town. I’m very proud.”

Journey and Poppy share an eye roll before frowning at me.

“Why did you freak out earlier?” Poppy asks.

Justice narrows her blue eyes. “Yeah, what are you hiding?”

“I can’t parallel park,” I reply.

Tuesday nods. “I can’t park in those lines at the store. I just don’t even try anymore.”

West nods. “She isn’t kidding.”

“I don’t have a car,” I explain as if we’re all good friends. “If I did, I believe I would be a better driver. I’d follow the traffic laws and only go several miles over any speed limit. However, I will never successfully parallel park. I’m sorry your son loves a failure.”

Snorting derisively, Journey nudges Poppy. “Your son fell in love with a redheaded version of you.”

“No, I’m nice.”

The women all laugh at Poppy, including Tuesday. West fights a grin, unable to full-blast mock his mommy. Considering whose heart I need to win today, I choose to pick sides. That’s why I walk over to Poppy and pat her shoulder.

“Their laughter is likely spawned from jealousy. After all, I’ve found you boundlessly pleasant today.”

“Ha!” Poppy cries and flips off her sisters. “I’m fricking nicer than you stinky muffs.”

“What about me?” Tuesday asks and then nudges me to see if I want one of her mangled celery sticks. “I’m nice, right?”

“You’re offering me food, so yeah.”

“West is very smart,” Poppy says out of nowhere. “He wouldn’t make a mistake. Alexis is great.”

Taking a calculated risk, I flash a mocking grin at Justice.

West’s aunt gasps and narrows her eyes menacingly. “How dare you fart your attitude at me?”

“You were rude to Poppy, and she offered to teach me to cook. My attitude-farts will forever remain locked, loaded, and aimed in your direction.”

Poppy can barely contain her excitement. If I didn’t know any better, I would think these people hated each other. West claims their rude drama is all a game. If so, I’ll need to quickly learn to play to keep up with the snark energy whipping up tornado-style in the house.

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