AllFreeNovel
Share Us
ALEXIS, AKA THE CRYSTAL GAZER
Dinner at the homesteadwent well, I guess. According to West, his family gave me the right amount of grief. Any more, and I might be in trouble. Any less, and I’d be considered unworthy of their efforts.
I take it as a win since I really don’t have any other choice. If they didn’t like me, what could I do? I’d never end things with West if I couldn’t stand his family. No, I’m riding that beefcake until he shakes me off!
But West adores Poppy, so I’m wary when I notice her at Penny’s Best Pizzeria during my crystal gaze sessions. She looks so effortlessly beautiful, even in denim shorts and an “Eat Me” blue T-shirt. I adjust my headscarf and brace myself for whatever she might throw my way.
Before facing Poppy, I finish up with the woman in front of me. I explain how she’ll find blessings in love if she can let go of her past. I suggest writing all her resentments on paper and burning it.
“The universe will absorb your anger and guide you to peace,” I say, caressing Citrine as if guided by the spirits beyond.
Once my satisfied customer vacates the spot, Poppy immediately slides into the booth. I notice Penny eyeballing us. Poppy doesn’t flash a dismissive frown at the woman. Instead, her blue eyes size me up.
“Can your crystal ball tell me if you’ll treat my boy right?”
Running my fingers over the ball, I sigh. “I want West to have everything. I also want to be happy. I just don’t know if those two things are compatible.”
“I don’t want my firstborn to marry a Toomey,” she whispers, sounding in pain. “I can’t think of anything worse than you teaching my grandchildren to eat like a starving raccoon. I’m not sure how I feel about having offspring with red hair. And I certainly don’t want to brag to my father back in Indianapolis that West is making a family with a clown and a huckster.”
My mantra of “screw what people think” doesn’t hold steady against Poppy’s disapproval.
“I’m too selfish to dump him,” I admit, sounding in pain myself now. “West is everything, and I’ll never be as happy without him. If you want us to break up, you’ll need to convince him to do it or sabotage our relationship. I won’t make it easier for you.”
“West loves you. And I kinda get it. He grew up eating sour candies and foods. He loves stuff that’s good but different. And you have many appealing qualities that any man would crave. However, you’re also sour. You say shit that isn’t true in a way that is both obviously a lie and possibly somehow true. Your big idea for a career is to dress like a clown and read people’s fortunes. And you’re beautiful like I’m not. I think he probably doesn’t want to imagine his mom while banging boots. I truly understand why West wants you despite your obvious flaws like your family and that raccoon thing.”
“But?”
“But I’m a weak mom,” Poppy says and sighs. “I give my babies whatever they want. It’s an overreaction to people saying I was too selfish to be a mom. That I’d snark my kids to death. So, I coddled and cuddled them. Emmett is the bad guy. I’m their safe space. Which is why I can’t sabotage what West wants. Despite what anyone else insists, he really wants you, Alexis.”
Dazed by the potential of keeping West, I ask, “So what happens next?”
“I start thinking of you as a Mercer, so your family’s stink won’t bother me. And I choose to believe your eating habits are adorable yet sad. I’ll pity you when I see you shoveling food into your mouth rather than grabbing my broom to try to shoo you away.”
“That’s very mature.”
“Not really. A better mother would find a way to get rid of someone they didn’t approve of. But I’m just too lazy at this point to whip up my bitch powers and queef on you.”
“A queef is a vaginal fart,” I say, and a smiling Poppy nods. “I didn’t know that information until West showed me ‘South Park.’”
“You’ve been greatly deprived by your parents’ poor decisions and lack of money. I will teach you many things if you’ll allow me to mold you into a ginger I can accept.”
“Is your distaste for me at all related to Cartman’s ginger hate?”
“I’m more of Kenny myself.”
Leaning closer, I whisper, “Do you think I have no soul?”
“I’m sure you have a lovely one,” she says, winking at me. “West wouldn’t fall in love with a soulless ginger hillbilly. Though I never got around to raising him well, he was around people who raised their kids in a proper way. I’m sure that rubbed off on him.”
“He’s been very sweet to me,” I say and rub my crystal ball. “I think his tender heart comes from being such a big fan of his mom. You fed him so much sweetness that he’s able to fall for someone as sour as me.”
“You’re like a lime, which is very tasty in booze.”
“But I like lemons.”
Poppy shakes her head. “No, you’re a lime. Accept my declaration and move on.”
“I really prefer lemons.”
