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CHAPTER NINETEEN
IVY
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When I awoke wrappedup tight in Ethan’s arms, the tears I thought had dried up started slipping out once again.
What the hell am I doing?I thought as I lay there cocooned in his body ... in his perfect body. The perfect body that belonged to the man who was perfect for me.
The man I loved.
Yet when he’d confessed his love last night, instead of launching myself into his arms to start our new life together, I’d gone and tossed a bomb in the middle of our happily ever after by telling him I was still determined to go at it on my own.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Last night, after we’d put an end to things, we hadn’t kissed again. It’d been too painful for us both, but so was laying here beside him, knowing I couldn’t roll over and taste his lips at will. Or slide on top of him and feel him inside me once more. It was just as torturous not touching him the way I wanted to touch him as it would have been to touch him freely, knowing it may be the last time.
Pain.
All I felt now, tucked beside him, was pain. The exact opposite of all the pleasure and emotions I’d experienced every other moment at his side.
“Hey,” he whispered.
I fought the urge to snuggle deeper against him like I always did when we woke up.
“Hey.”
“You sleep okay?”
No. I couldn’t stop thinking about what a terrible mistake I’m making.
“Yeah. You?” I lied.
“Okay, I guess.”
We lay there in our awkward silence for a few long beats, and finally, he let go of his grip around me. I closed my eyes and tried to memorize the way his arms felt before I lost them for who knew how long ... or maybe forever. Could I really expect him to wait around for me while I tried to figure my shit out?
No. Of course not. I would never expect that of him. And with the way he lived his life, who knew how long it would be until some sexy island tourist came along and found her way into his arms ... the arms that should have been mine.
“I’m gonna jump in the shower, then you can jump in, and we can hit the road in about an hour. That should give us time to get you dropped off and me to the airport. Hayden is gonna pick up Daisy May and use her for the next couple days before he ships back out to God knows where they’re sending him. Some top-secret shit yet again, I’m sure. But at least we don’t have to worry about dropping Daisy May off this morning.”
“Yeah, okay. Sounds good,” I answered, but all I could envision was another woman in his arms.
I cringed against the thought, but I had no right to be angry about that. It was me who was turning him away. Me who was ending things between us. And that meant giving up my right to be jealous of whoever he replaced me with.
He walked across the bedroom with just his boxer briefs on, and I swear he walked in slow motion to give me a long look at just what I was giving up.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
The minute I heard the shower turn on, I picked up my phone and called Iris.
“Hey, babycakes,” she said with a yawn as her sleepy face popped up on my screen. “You know I don’t get up before nine, so this must be important. What’s up?”
I glanced over my shoulder to make sure Ethan was locked in the bathroom, and I hurried out onto the porch.
I lifted my phone to my face, my eyes wide as I said, “I think I screwed up.”
“Whoa. Extreme closeup. It’s too early to be getting a closeup of your pores. Back it up and tell me what’s up while I go make coffee.”
