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“Miles is alive, he was hardly injured during the attack and did a mighty fine job helping protect us.” Amica smiled softly. “You would have been so proud.”
The tightness in my chest released and my shoulders slumped with relief. I felt so much pride for my friend, and for his destiny of becoming the greatest Captain of the Royal Guard this kingdom would ever see.
“But,” she continued, “there is something you should probably know before you see him.”
My heartbeat kicked up. I couldn’t handle any more surprises. “What?”
She looked down and twiddled with her fingers. “Miles knows.”
I knew exactly what she meant with those two words, and I felt so much regret for not being the one to have told him myself. More guilt piled up inside me and I didn’t know how much more I could hold until I broke.
“How?” I rubbed my temples to ease the pressure that was building. “Did you tell him?”
“No!” Amica looked slightly offended at the assumption. “Bennett did.”
“Asshole!” I screamed, wincing at the pain in my throat. It felt like every other damn minute he was ruining something. More and more of my pain circled back to him and my anger was consuming every fiber of my being.
I tried to calm my breathing as I asked, “How did he handle it, was he understanding?” I knew what the answer was before I even asked, but a part of me hoped that I would be wrong.
“Well, I wouldn’t say that, but I think he could be, in time. He’s hurt and has been ignoring me this whole week. You need to talk with him, apologize and explain why you couldn’t say anything.”
I knew Miles would be hurt that my secret of being the royal assassin was kept from him. I had a plan to tell him myself, I was even going to ask Pater again soon for his permission to tell him, but all that went to hell because of Bennett’s selfishness. I felt like such a shitty friend, and I just hoped he could forgive me for this. Perhaps he would look past it and just go back to the way things were.
My thoughts were an endless stream of chaos as I tried to process everything that I just learned, but the one thing I could focus on was Miles and speaking with him immediately. I needed to fix this; it was my fault that our trust could be broken.
“When was the last time you saw him?” I asked.
“He just went out to the lake, but I don’t—”
I threw the covers back from the bed and stood up, my muscles tight from not being used. I looked down and noticed someone must have changed me from my gown into plain soft black pants and a loose-fitting gray shirt. I knew they were from my closet and turned over my shoulder to thank Amica for the clothes.
She shrugged. “Don’t thank me, I wasn’t the one who got you the clean clothes.”
I gave her a confused look before I quickly realized I was missing something. I looked around my bedside table, almost knocking over the flowers as I searched.
“Looking for this?” Amica asked, holding up my golden dagger and sheath.
I sighed in relief as I grabbed the dagger from her, sheathing it to my thigh. I was worried I had lost it in the chaos of the masquerade.
As I pulled the curtain back, Amica’s hand gently gripped my arm. “You need to rest, Rhia, this can wait.”
I ignored her, continuing to make my way out of the infirmary as I’d already made up my mind. “No, it can’t. I need to fix this now.” As she continued to walk beside me, I stopped, turning towards her. “This is also something I need to do on my own.”
She gave me a worried look. “Are you sure?”
“I’m positive, but thank you, Amica. I promise I will rest as soon as I’m done, just not in the infirmary. I want to sleep in my own room.” I reached out and grabbed her hand. “Can you stay in my bed tonight?” I asked, knowing my nightmares weren’t as bad when she was there. I was afraid that dreams would haunt me from moments of the masquerade.
“Of course.” She pulled me into a hug. “I will be there waiting for you when you get back. Miles will come around, I’m sure of it.”
“I hope so.” I gave her one last squeeze before I pulled away from her and headed towards the lake. I was in no way prepared for this conversation, but Miles was my best friend, we could make it through this. I couldn’t lose him. I wouldn’t.
