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It had been four days since that night, and I’d become numb to the pain. My mind simply went blank as I stared at the ceiling for hours. Only when the memories of that night spilled into my brain would I slip out of that trance, running to the bathroom to dry heave.
The rain was starting to clear up, and I knew it was time for me to at least try to leave my room, even if I didn’t end up going that far.
I pulled the covers off, sliding off the side of the bed and putting on some slippers to protect my feet from the cold stone. I threw on an oversized sweater I stole from Miles a long time ago, ignoring my hair’s need to be brushed, and left my room without caring what others thought.
I walked down the corridors of the castle, unphased by the stares I got from court members and servants alike. I simply went where my feet were taking me, allowing the muscles to work after being stagnant for so many days. Whispers sounded in my ears, but I tuned them out, listening to the silence that occupied my mind instead. Before I knew it, my feet were taking me up, up, and up until I stood in the middle of the astronomy tower, feeling the cool breeze against my face. I grabbed a blanket from the little basket I kept some in and fluffed it out, placing it on the cold stone floor and laying on top of it. I stared into the open sky above me, where the ceiling ended and the stars began. It was dark out now, probably after six, but I hadn’t kept track of the time over the last few days, so I really didn’t know.
The stars looked a little brighter now that she was among them.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. Praying she could hear me from all the way down here.
I heard the sound of footsteps, but I didn’t get up—I knew who stood behind me. They walked up beside me, placing a mug by my hand on the floor. The smell of almonds filled my senses. My stomach ached and begged for a sip of my favorite drink.
The footsteps walked away but stopped by the door, as if deciding whether to continue on or not. I sat up a little, sipping the sweet almond cocoa that was made just the way I liked it before laying back down to stare at the stars. The footsteps suddenly backtracked, coming to my other side. Something unusual happened then—they lay down beside me, not touching me, but close enough for me to acknowledge that they were there with me. They didn’t say anything, just simply stared at the stars with me.
We lay there in silence. For hours maybe. I lost track of time, but they didn’t complain. They never once asked to leave or even moved to get up.
Eventually the sadness began to weigh down on me again, my chest becoming tight. Every breath was more difficult than the last.
A light caress of fingertips brushed against mine, an invitation for comfort if I wanted it. I accepted it, opening up my palm for them to intertwine their fingers with mine. Their thumb brushed softly back and forth against mine, the touch bringing me back to reality and easing my breathing.
More time passed, but we didn’t move. Using the connection as gravity, as we got lost in the stars.
I missed the funeral, Bennett.
His hand squeezed mine and I closed my eyes, letting the tears fall down my cheeks once again.
