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“I promise.”
She arched her eyebrow, as if not believing me. “So you don’t like him?”
I hesitated. “No.”
“You totally hesitated!” she yelled with the biggest smile on her face.
There goes any chance I had at convincing her I had no feelings towards Bennett.
I opened my book again, trying to avoid her eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“There’s no talking your way out of this one.” She had a winning smile on her face. “I’ve already heard everything I needed to.”
Stars have mercy on me. “I may feel a tiny grain of salt-sized feeling towards him. Maybe.”
“I knew it!” she said, jumping off the bed and dancing around the room.
When she was done having her little victory lap she sat back down on the edge of the bed, and I pretty much told her everything that had happened between me and Bennett. I could trust her—I mean, I’d trusted her with my role as the assassin and she’d never told anyone about that. It felt good to tell someone everything I’d been feeling. I felt like a little girl at a sleepover, and looking at our current situation, not much had changed.
Amica was laying on her stomach on my bed, holding her body up by her elbows. “You know when you were out for that week in the infirmary, Bennett almost never left your side. He slept in the chair beside your bed every night and was the biggest advocate for you. He saved your life, Rhia.”
How had I never thought about it like that? I completely overlooked the fact that Bennett had saved my life that night. I’d been so consumed in my own guilt and frustration that I didn’t even realize that I would’ve died that night if Bennett hadn’t come for me. Did I even thank him?
She giggled. “It was cute, honestly. He always acts like he doesn’t care about anything, but it was obvious to see that he clearly cares about you.”
I couldn’t help the little smile that crept onto my face.
“Thank you, Amica,” I said warmly, pulling her into a hug.
“For what?”
Being able to talk about my feelings out loud with Amica allowed me to admit to myself that what I felt was real. Amica pushed me to be honest with myself, and now I was ready to face what I’d always felt for Bennett. Even if that scared me more than any assassination attempt.
“Simply for being you.”
???
“You know, guard hunting isn’t as fun when you aren’t single,” Amica said in a bored tone, her head resting in the palm of her hand as she looked out the window and down at the field of men training below.
Amica and I had just finished up at the dining hall before heading over to watch the Royal Guard train. I finally was getting my appetite back, and even had two full plates tonight, plus dessert. We ate shepherd’s pie as well as berries and cream. It felt like heaven again to finally eat something without it tasting like ash. I wished Bennett was there. He would’ve been proud of me.
I sighed at the men below, still enticed by their movements. What I would do to be able to go down there and publicly throw all of them on their asses. I smiled cynically at the thought.
“Dreaming about shadow boy?”
“Absolutely not,” I said, shoving her playfully.
“You know, it’s okay to act like you like someone.”
“Yeah, I know,” I said sheepishly.
It just felt weird to do so, to let my feelings be all out in the open like that.
“Amica!” Mendex’s voice sounded from behind us.
I turned to find Mendex striding towards us, a happy grin on his face. Bennett followed a few steps behind, with a calculatingly cold expression.
Bennett usually gave this kind of look in public, but I could tell something was up. His shoulders were a little tender and I could see a strain in his jaw.
