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By the time I arrive at the county jail, most of my fury has settled down to a low simmer. Every time I think of Darnell Miller, though, I wind up strangling the steering wheel and gritting my teeth. He deserves to be arrested and charged with some sort of crime, any sort, just to make sure he can't do this to anyone else. But I can't go to any type of authority to report him.
I had made one stop on my way to the county jail. Raymond Anderson lives in a mansion on the wealthiest street in town, which only has half a dozen homes. I have no trouble finding the right one. Parking on an adjacent street, I jog to Anderson's home and set my package on the doorstep, then ring the bell. I return to my car and drive past the Anderson home just in time to see the man himself pick up the package. Since I had included a note that said "Darnell Miller is not your friend and your wife knows why," I feel confident Anderson will watch the video.
I race to the county jail, which seems to be run by the sheriff's department, and I see blokes wearing those uniforms when I walk inside the building. But I also meet one of the toerags who had dragged Cat away.
He smirks at me. "I'll go get your girl. Maybe she won't be your girl anymore, though, huh? Probably realizes what a prick you are now that she got thrown in the clink."
Though I want to snarl at him, and possibly throttle the knob, I maintain a neutral expression and relaxed demeanor. And I wait. Minutes tick by on the clock on the wall. What is taking so bloody long? My neutral expression might be transforming into a stony look, but I can't help that. I refuse to let anyone see my anger.
The officer and Catriona emerge from the cell block or whatever they call it. The officer says, "Here she is."
My fingers curl into my palms, then tighten into fists. Cat looks bedraggled and frightened, still wearing nothing but her dressing gown.
The officer gives her a shove, pushing her toward me while he looks at her. "Alex Thorne is seriously bad news. You'd be better off running as fast as you can from him, before he drags you down into the quicksand, for good next time."
"Shut up," I hiss as I throw an arm around Cat's shoulders and guide her toward the exit. Darnell Miller must have shared what he knows about my past with this twat and probably his twat partner too. "You'll regret this, the lot of you."
Yes, I will find a way to make sure Miller's henchmen suffer too.
At the car, I stop to ensure Cat's dressing gown is securely tied, then whisk my hands up and down her arms. "Christ, you're barely dressed. You must be freezing."
I wrap my arms around her, and for a moment, I just hold her. What might've happened… It doesn't matter. It's over now. I kiss her forehead and help her into the car, then snatch a fleece throw from the backseat and drape it over her. Then I drive us home. I don't speak, and neither does Cat. But I know my reckoning has arrived.
Once we get home, I order her to have a shower and get dressed. While she does that, I slump onto an armchair, lodge my elbows on my thighs, and stare down at the floor. Though I hear Cat's footsteps as she enters the living room and the slight thump as she drops onto the sofa, it takes me a moment before I can raise my head to look at her.
"Bloody hell, Cat." I knife my hands through my hair and hurl myself backward against the chair. "I'm sorry. This is all my fault."
"How?"
I'm still gazing at her, but my voice refuses to work. She looks so young and innocent and sad, not to mention thoroughly confused. I want to hold her, swear to her everything is fine, but that would be a lie. Staying with me will destroy her.
The words I want to say get stuck in my throat.I love you, Cat, please marry me.She shouldn't do that. I can't let her do it, and I can't let her go on loving me.
"How is it your fault?" she asks.
"It's complicated," I say carefully. "The details aren't important right now. Just know that you are not going to jail. I will not allow that to happen. And your arrest record will be expunged."
She goes perfectly still, her unblinking gaze nailed to mine. "You know why I was arrested."
"It doesn't matter now." I rise and shut my eyes, frozen in place while I struggle to figure out what to tell her. Not the truth. Which leaves me with one agonizing choice. I marshal all my willpower to do what must be done. Then I kneel in front of her and meet her gaze. "I'm not going to explain any of this. You'll either trust me to take care of things, or you won't."
Is that my voice? I sound so cool and unaffected, but I suppose that's how I need to be right now.
"That's not good enough, Alex. I deserve the truth. I demand it."
"I can't do that, Catriona."
"Yes, you can." She slants toward me until our noses almost touch and aims her fiery gaze straight into mine. "Either tell me what is going on, or I will walk out that door and never come back."
Coldness floods through me, chilling me down to the core of my soul. If I even have one of those. "Do what you need to do."
"Dammit, Alex." She slaps her hands on my chest and pushes with all her strength, but she can't move me. "Why won't you talk to me? All I want is the truth."
"And that's the one thing I can't give you. Not today. Maybe never."
Cat gawps at me, searching my gaze for something that she clearly can't find. That would be my nonexistent soul, I imagine. I see it in her eyes the second she makes her decision. "Then there's only one thing left to say. Goodbye, Alex."
A pang stabs into my chest, as sharp and cold as a knife's blade. But I rise and take a step backward, giving a bang-on impression of a heartless bastard. I don't even move when she pushes past me to go into the bedroom and gather her possessions. I stand here frozen in place, feeling numb and yet relieved at the same time. I'd always known I couldn't have her forever.
