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Her bright smile quickly turned to a mixture of horror, anger, and disgust before I even had a chance to process what her reaction might mean. She begged me not to leave her with him. Pleaded with me. I should’ve listened to her. I should’ve listened to my gut and not my head.
All I could think about was my wife making me out to be the fool and giving him the attention I desired. Everything became a blazing inferno when I saw the text about the Snakes flash across his screen. My mind completely shut her out and saw her as a traitor. It assumed she had truly betrayed me and made it look so easy.
I did this to her.
I’ve lost the only woman who has ever meant more than a warm hole to me. I’m obsessed with her, with finding her and keeping her locked away to protect her, and I haven’t even had her yet.
But I’ve had a taste. Fucking strawberries. Those soft, addicting lips of hers.
I miss her sass and smart mouth so much. I didn’t realize how quickly I’d be missing it when she wasn’t around all the time.
Tara Taylor is mine. Zayan Pravesh probably thinks he’s her biggest monster, except he’s never seen a scorned Nix Taylor.
“If you leave me with him, I’ll hate you forever.”Her choked words hum in my head.
What she doesn’t know is that I hate myself more than she ever could. She’ll never forgive me, just like I’ll never forgive myself. If I get her back—no, not if—whenI get her back, I will do everything in my power to prove that she can trust me again, that I’ll never fail her, that she means more to me than I’ve ever admitted before.
She will know how sorry I am for my mistake, and how I wish I could take it all back and change the way I made things.
She means more to me than I ever got to show her, and I ruined it at the first sign of trouble. I ruined it because I let my past cloud the future I could’ve had.
Exhaustion sweeps over me, but I push it off. We spent all night searching for Tara, and we have fuck all to show for it. Something bad is brewing, I can feel it deep in my bones.
I went to the Snakes warehouse last night and let Viper know this was an all-hands-on-deck type of situation. I want every building in this town, in the surrounding area, and out in the middle of nowhere, searched until no stone is left unturned. The more people we have, the faster we can turn the whole city of Craibridge upside down.
I—we—will get her back and when we do, I will fucking destroy that disgusting piece of shit, Zayan.
I knew she didn’t want to be married to him, but I thought it was just because she’s a stubborn woman who doesn’t like to be told what to do. I never expected that he used to…that he used to abuse her. If I knew that, I never would’ve let him within a ten-mile radius of her. I never would’ve left her with him.
I would have destroyed him before he had the chance to weasel his way back into her life.
Rush should’ve told me. She should’ve told me. But I also should’ve believed her when she said he was lying.
I figured Zayan would be hard to find. I mean, he’s had seven long years to plan this all. From what Rush told us about Zayan’s obsession with Tara, it wouldn’t surprise me if he had every detail drawn out. Zayan doesn’t strike me as a complete idiot, however, I didn’t think it would be this hard. Everyone slips up and makes mistakes, even the most calculated bastards, but I haven’t heard anything from Viper in a couple of hours. The need to break something filters through my body, itching deep down in my bones.
I know I’m not worthy of her, but neither is he.
He doesn’t deserve to breathe the same air as her.
He doesn’t deserve to be breathing in general.
“You going to keep daydreaming or actually be useful?” Rush’s cold voice brings me back to the present. Malice sits deep in his eyes as he glares at me. He hates me right now. He and Reilly want to beat the hell out of me, I have the bruises to prove it, but right now, we don’t have time for fighting.
“I am being useful. I don’t know what else to do. It feels like we’re going in circles.” I attempt to keep my voice level, like I’m not ripping myself apart on the inside. I have no right to be feeling like a sorry sack of shit, but I can’t help it.
I’m afraid I’ve lost her for good, and nothing has ever gutted me more.Should’ve thought of that when you let her go like she was nothing.
“Have you called every person imaginable in your contacts list? Are Viper and the Snakes even out there looking? Did you contact anyone who would possibly know Zayan?”
His rapid-fire questions only serve to piss me off. “Of course, I’ve contacted as many people as I can. I’m not just sitting on my ass hoping she’ll show up,” I snarl. I’ve called everyone that I can think of. Every known associate I have, I’ve called. Well, at least the ones I can trust not to double-cross me or ask for a favor in return.
I thought Viper would have something by now, but even that seems hopeless. We haven’t heard a sound from him or any of the other Snakes since I left the warehouse.
“Well, it’s not good enough!” He slams his fist down on the desk, rattling the wood. “She’s been gone for too long. You have no idea how much he could hurt her in that amount of time! She…she could be gone forever.” He chokes out the last few words like he’s on the verge of breaking down. But he doesn’t. He remains stoic, but I can see the fear deep inside his eyes. I can see the uncertainty swirling in them. The same uncertainty I’m feeling myself.
“You don’t think I know that?! You don’t think I realize just how badly I fucked up?! It’s my fault she’s gone. It’s my fault she’s with him, and it’s my fault she’s going to hate me for the rest of her life!” I’m in his face, while pushing him back with my palms. I’m slowly starting to unravel, but I have to get my shit together. I’m of no use when I’m not at my best.
“Then fix it!” He pushes me back, causing me to stumble from the force.
