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“I’ll always have time for you no matter what.” My voice is filled with empathy, the opposite of my usual tone.
“You always exude this tough exterior, trying to make people think you’re a jerk, but I know you. I know the real Marnix Taylor. Fierce, protective, loving.”
When I reach the wall, I lean against it, pressing my forehead to the plaster with a sigh. She would think differently if she knew all the shit I’ve done, especially to Tara. “You’re wrong. I’m just like him. He made me his clone.”
“No, honey, you’re wrong. You’re nothing like him. He wouldn’t take in people like Rush and Mariana and make them feel at home. He didn’t love the way you do.” I want to yell and scream and tell her she’s wrong, but I don’t have the energy, so I just listen. “We’ve all done terrible things in our lives, even me, but that doesn’t make us bad people. You’re one of the best people I know, far from how he typically was. Not feeling regret or owning up to it is what makes you the bad guy. I know your father tried to mold you into a man just like him, but you’re the one that controls your actions. If you don’t like the man you’ve become, then fix it. Be the person you want to be, not the man he wanted you to be.”
It feels like she’s talking to me about Tara, but she can’t be, she doesn’t know any of that went down. She’s speaking to my soul. “I hope you’re right.”
“I am. Always am. I wouldn’t lead you astray, baby.”
I laugh. “And they say I’m full of myself,” I tease, “I love you, mom. Thanks for the talk. Didn’t realize how much I actually needed it.”
“Of course. You, Reilly, and Tara need to come visit soon. Maybe you could even bring Rush over. I’ve always liked that hunky, handsome guy. He’s definitely a looker.” As much as I’d like to feel weird about her comment, my heart cracks at her suggestion. None of them are really talking to me at the moment. Rush is the only one willing to acknowledge me, but I can’t tell her that. I know Reilly would swallow his pride and go for my mom, but Tara? I have no clue. She loves my mother, but I’m not sure she could fake being happy with me.
“You know what, you can come here for dinner. How about Sunday?”
“That sounds perfect.” I can hear the smile in her voice, causing one to stretch across my own.
“Okay, we’ll see you then.”
“Alright, don’t forget my number between now and then.” There she is with her passive-aggressive comments she tries to play off as jokes.
“I won’t. Love you.”
“Love you.” Removing the phone from my ear, I hang up. She always knows what to say and somehow knows exactly when I need to hear it. I fucked up big time with Tara, but I’ll do anything to show her how sorry I am. If I have to, I’ll yell it from the rooftops or plaster it on billboards.
Tara is my wife, my life, my everything.
I won’t let my greatest mistake ruin the only woman I’ve ever cared about.
It’s only been a few hours since I stormed out of Marnix’s office, but my heart still beats wildly in my chest. The rapid pounding has become a permanent part of me. Letting go of some of the anger I’ve been holding onto was exhilarating, but it also brought more confusion. All the emotions I’ve been suppressing rose to the surface with chaos rippling under my skin, itching for a release.
I didn’t know what to do and didn’t want to wake up Rush or Cohutta, so I went to the gym and did some stretches and exercises my sore body would allow. My hand is still healing along with my ribs and nose, but the rest of my body is almost completely healed. The bruises are nearly faded, but the underlying pain is still there. I had to stop myself from pushing too hard and hurting myself even though I needed to release the tension.
Cohutta and Rush both came to check on me after they got up, but I told them both I needed space. As much as I know those two would do anything to take care of me, I just wanted to be alone to work through everything. I finally came back to the room to lie down and rest, but they still kept their distance.
I wish I could rewind it all and go back to the moment in the car with Marnix before we walked into my parent's house and things got so messed up and complicated. Before he threw me away like trash without a second thought.
The lingering touch of his lips against mine continues to hum through my body. It was desperate, needy, and full of aching desire. I could’ve gotten lost in it if I let myself forget and let go, but we have a lot to overcome before that can happen.
Before I can move on with Marnix and my life, there’s something else I have to do. I need to face the lies and destruction, the hidden secrets, and the pain that has plagued me. Pain that I’ve allowed myself to suffer with in silence, alone and in agony.
Taking one more deep breath, I crawl off the bed, moving slowly. My body might be healing physically, but internally, I’m a fucking mess. I try to act tough, like nothing bothers me, but I’m so exhausted. So tired of running from the despair that drowns me every damn day. I’m tired of all the bullshit and the fear that Zayan is going to get me again. I’m tired of letting him control me even when I’m away from him.
Shaking off the emotions that threaten to push me back into a darker place, I slide on my shoes and a light jacket before going downstairs to Rush’s security room. I’m confident he’ll be in here, because when he’s not with me, he works on the security system as much as he can, trying to ensure we’re all safe.
Knocking, I hear him yell to come in, before I push the door open. “Hey, Rush.” Seeing his handsome face and those curls that drive me wild is enough to ease the nagging anxiety inside me. He’s an anchor who can ground me and keep me in place with just one look.
“Hey. Is everything okay?” All his attention is on me, completely forgetting what he was working on.
“Oh, yeah. Everything’s fine. I wanted to see if you’d be willing to take me somewhere.” I drop my chin, fidgeting with the hem of my shirt, hoping he won’t ask many questions. I’d offer to drive myself, but that’s not even a question. At this point, I’m not going anywhere alone.
“Where do you want to go?” His muscles tighten slightly at my request.
“To my parents’ house,” I choke out, remembering the last time I was there and the nightmare that followed. The memories threaten to take over, but I swallow them down as best as I can. I need to do this. I need to do it for myself. For my future, for my sanity. I should’ve done this a long time ago, but it’s time they know.
“Are you sure?” His voice is hesitant.
