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“I’ve been in the band for ten years.”
“It’s a job and it makes you the money you want. The rest of the time you prefer to skim through life without any staying power. Look at the block of land you bought. You were full of plans and then when things didn’t go your way you didn’t go near it for over four years.”
“It was a mistake. I only bought it because…”
“Because you wanted to help me out. Which was nice of you. Especially as we hadn’t spoken properly in years. It’s easy to give things instead of time. But I didn’t ask it of you and I would have managed. I’m in it for the long haul, anyway.”
Xander felt the hit of it in his chest. Briar was right about him. It had been Briar doing what needed to be done to maintain the friendship. Dropping an email now and then to update him on what was happening on the block of land. Keeping him in touch with what Briar called his investment on the farm. Even with his own grandparents it had been easier at first to give them money. He’d called that an investment too, upgrading the inn, building the gazebo for the weddings held in the gardens. It was only later he began coming home more often and that had more to do with Bonnie than his grandparents. She’d been a safe space. A safe lay.
All these years he’d prided himself on not being a user, not taking advantage of the girls that flocked to the concerts, sneering at Tinker for his lack of self-control. He hadn’t spread it around, but he’d used Bonnie all the same.
“So, have you finally got her out of your system?”
Xander hated the way it sounded. Like she was a disease to be purged. “I told you it was mutual.”
“She figured out you were never going to change. You’ve been running away from the moment you had the power to escape.”
“More like everyone runs away from me.”
“Ever thought about why that might be?”
“You think it’s my fault?”
Shaking his head, Briar pushed his mug away. “It’s not all about you, Alexander MacDonald. Think about it. Think about your mother and your brother. Remember what it was like for them. I know things were bad for you. But you weren’t the only person living in that clearing with those creeps.”
Xander stared at him, a hollow feeling in his chest. Briar was years younger, yet he’d seen the situation as it was. Or had he had more time to think about it, staying here on the farm where it all happened? Had he paid for his mother’s association with Sid and his thugs too? “I’m sorry. I don’t like thinking about the past. I guess I should have considered other people’s point of view.”
Briar rubbed a finger along the side of his nose, the green of his eyes bright. “I don’t know what happened after you left here. I was still a little kid. Most of what I know I learned from my mother. She talked a lot in those last years. Nothing better to do once she was bedridden.”
His curiosity piqued, Xander leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table. “I was really sorry about Honey. She was always kind to me.”
“She talked about your mother a lot. They’d been friends for a long time. She fretted about you when you were gone, and I think she was relieved when you came back to live with your grandparents.”
Xander’s heart rate quickened. His grandparents rarely spoke of their daughter. He hadn’t thought of her as a person in her own right, with friends and a life beyond her role as a parent. “What did she say?”
“I think she must have heard from your mum, afterwards. She said something once about hoping Chrissy made good on her promise.”
“Do you know what the promise was?”
Briar stood up. “I’m sorry, I’d only be guessing. Mum rambled a lot. The morphine made her confused.” He placed the empty mugs on the sink. “I think she might have promised to get clean and make something of her life.”
“It’s been fifteen years.”
“Yeah. Life’s a bitch.” He seemed to hesitate. “You know it was Sunny who called the cops?”
Shock rippled through Xander’s chest. “Sunny?”
“He was scared for you, after what happened that night. He came down here and used the phone and then lit out. Mum gave him some money. He would have been angry if he’d realised Sid got away after all.”
Slightly dazed, Xander pushed himself to his feet. “Not for long.”
“Long enough. He had time to do a number on you. You weren’t the same when you came back.”
“I’m fine.”
“Sure you are.”
Xander hated the feeling that Briar could see right through him. Bad enough that Bonnie had a key to his emotions. “Thanks for the cuppa, and the talk.”
