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Chapter 20
A minister, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.“What is this,” asks the bartender, “some kind of joke?” ~ Text from Hailey to Pops
Do you personally adhere to the Bill Clinton definition of sex?
I re-read the text from Barney several times before a lightbulb goes off in my head and I realize why he’s asking.
“Suzie!” I bellow.
She doesn’t come flitting into the room. No, she rolls her desk chair to the doorway and peeks her head around the corner. She’s no dummy. She knows I’m mad.
I shake my phone at her. “Did you tell the uncles about Aiden and his magical tongue?”
I should know better than to tell Suzie details I want to keep private. The woman’s idea of keeping a secret is only telling a select group of people. I’ve tried and tried to explain to her what a secret is. Hell, I even bought her a dictionary one year for her birthday. All to no avail.
She shakes her head.
“Then, what’s this about?” I stand and walk over to her to show her the text from Barney.
The phone vibrates as she’s reading the text. I yank it away. I don’t want her seeing any messages from Aiden. But it’s just Barney again.
How is oral sex using telekinesis? It’s mind-blowing.
I respond with a high-five emoji. “Don’t think I can’t hear you trying to roll your desk chair out of here,” I mumble as I press send.
Suzie widens her eyes. “I thought our discussion was finished.”
“Not hardly. You need to stop sharing private details with the uncles.”
“But how else am I going to win the bet?”
I growl at her.
“Besides, it’s totally normal to share with your family.”
“Sure it is. Let’s ask our normal employee. Phoebe,” I shout. She comes running into my office.
“What is it? Are you okay?”
I wave away her questions to pose one of my own. “Is it normal to share information about your sex life with your family?”
She bites her lip as she formulates a response. “Nothing is normal about your family,” she blurts out as her cheeks turn a light shade of pink.
Suzie laughs. “She got you there.”
Phoebe looks like she’s about to pass out. “I’m sorry. Your family is lovely.”
I grin to reassure her. “But they’re not normal. Yeah, I think I figured that out when Uncle Wally taught me how to hotwire a car when I was fourteen.”
Suzie snorts. “But it was hilarious when you told the teacher in your back-to-school presentation.”
“How was I supposed to know not everyone had uncles who teach them how to hotwire a car, shoot a weapon, and override a security system?”
“Now, you’re just bragging.”
I totally am. My uncles are awesome. But talking about sex with them? Nope. Not going to happen. I’m not an idiot. I know they like to take bets. They are addicted to poker after all. But bets about my sex life? There’s only one way to deal with this.
Ask the uncles about their latest bet. I text Pops.
