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“He’s not gonna want you to see him like this. But I didn’t know what else to do. This is the worst I’ve ever seen him.”
“Okay, tell me what to do? How do I help him?”
“You accept him without judgment. He was prepared to go to war to keep you, Holly. You have to be prepared to do the same. Whatever you see, whatever you hear when we get there, you need to block that shit out and focus only on Theo.”
“Okay,” I whisper. My mind is still stuck on the wordbloodbath. I’m not sure I’m strong enough for this. Maybe Theo’s father was right, in pairing him with someone from his world. I don’t know if I’m cut out for it. I’m second guessing myself the whole way, before I realize Neo is finally pulling into a gated estate. “Where are we?” I ask.
“This is Lana’s house, or what’s left of it… Stay behind me. I don’t know what state he’s in.”
I nod my head as I follow him, up the stairs and through the entrance of the house. That is, until I hear the scream. Shoving my way past Neo, I run down the hall, only stopping when I get to an open doorway. I see the destruction before I seehim.
“Theo?” I call out, just as he’s about to throw a vase. Turning around, he stares at me. Yes, he’s covered in blood and his shirt is torn open. But that’s not what gets me; it’s the broken look in his eyes. The torment I can see deep within him. I run and throw my arms around his shoulders. Theo drops the vase at our feet, and I jump up and cling to him. I may not know what to do, but I know I want to hold him. I want to be the one he leans on to keep him together. I bury my head in the side of his neck. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper.
His arms clutch me tighter as he collapses to the ground. “How…? What…? You shouldn’t be here, Holly.”
“There is nowhere else I should be but by your side, T.”
“No, this isn’t… You shouldn’t see this.”
I look around before looking back at him. “The only thing I see is you. I see you, Theo. I see that the man I love is hurting. That’s what I’m seeing.”
“He’s dead…” I notice the tears in the corners of his eyes. “I was supposed to have more time. He wasn’t supposed to go this early.”
“I know.” I don’t know what else to say. What else to do. I don’t know how to help him. If I could take away his pain, I would.In a heartbeat.
“No, you don’t understand. He’s dead. I have to take over now.”
“You will do whatever it is you have to do, T. You will step up and take over, and you’ll be the best damn boss this family of yours has ever seen.”
“I can’t do this. I… what do I do now?”
“Now, you clean yourself up and help your family grieve. You letyourselfgrieve and you take charge.”
Theo smiles a sad smile at me. “You really are my unassuming queen.”
“I’m not a queen. I’m just me. Tell me how I can help. What can I do?”
“You’re doing it,” he says, as he holds me tighter while silently sobbing into my neck. I doubt this man has been brought to tears often, and it’s breaking my heart.
I can’t help but think about how I’d feel if it weremyfather; the guilt I have over not visiting him more often is consuming me. After he went to jail, I couldn’t forgive him for leaving us. I hated that he did what he did. I hated that he left Mum, Reilly, and me alone. But right now, I could really use his guidance.
* * *
“I love you. That will never change, no matter what happens,” I tell Theo. We’re lying in his bed. After about an hour of holding on to each other on the floor, Theo stood up and carried me out of the house. He put me in his car and drove back to his apartment in silence.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but you are mine. I’m not letting you go.” His fingertips play with the ends of my hair. He does this a lot. “Will you come with me to my parents’ house in the morning? I need to check on my mother.”
“Do you think it’s wise for me to go there?” I ask.
“I don’t give a shit if it’s wise. I need to be there, and I’m not ready tonotbe next to you.”
“Okay, if you want me to come with you, I will.” I lean forward and gently meet his lips. “Promise me something.”
“What?”
“If it gets dangerous, if it’s a choice between you and me, you’ll choose yourself. I don’t want you to go to war or put yourself in danger for me.”
“I can’t promise you that, Holly. I will always choose us. You are a part of me that I can’t let go of. So, if it comes down to it, it’s going to be you. It’s always going to be you.”
