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“What does that mean?”
I groan. “He has that best friend I told you about. She’s his personal trainer and the closest person to him. She’s been around a while. He talks to her. About everything.”
“Are you jealous?” Sam asks gravely.
I shake my head. “Not of them being together if that’s what you mean. I don’t think anything’s going on between them. If anything was going to happen, it would have ages ago, is my guess. I just hate that he feels like he can’t talk to me. So I guess Iamjealous. But of him confiding in her rather than in me.”
“It’s early days, Rach,” Sam says. “People don’t open up to someone else just like that.” She snaps her fingers to make a point.
“I know,” I say. “But he already has opened up to me. So much.”
Sam studies my face. “You know, I can’t give you advice if I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I hesitate. I know Blake wants me to keep this thing about his past quiet. And I understand why. But I need to talk to someone about it, and Samantha is my best friend. I know I can trust her, too.
“Where’s Alex?” I ask.
“He’s asleep in his room. I checked on him earlier. He pulled an all-nighter for some story. He’s dead to the world, so you can talk, you know.”
I nod. “What I’m going to tell you can’t leave this room, okay? It’s really important that you don’t tell anyone. I really mean it. I can ruin everything.”
“You know you can trust me,” Sam says. I nod. I’ve always been able to talk to her about something and she’s never ratted me out to anyone or spread gossip. Samantha has a bunch of flaws, but gossiping and spreading stories isn’t one of them.
I take a deep breath and tell her a nutshell version of what Blake told me about his past. I’m not trying to make him look bad—or good—I just want Samantha to understand where I’m coming from.
“He found his mom and went to see her, apparently,” I say when I’m done filling Samantha in on the basics of his past. “But he wouldn’t tell me about it. I heard about it from Emma, who didn’t know I didn’t know and mentioned it.”
“I see,” Samantha says. “And that’s exactly the thing, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. She figured I already knew. Because she assumed he would confide in me. So I’m not crazy, thinking that he should talk to me about something I have no right to hear. Do you get what I’m saying?”
“Yeah, I get it,” Samantha says. “And it’s a lot to deal with. A lot for so soon in the relationship.”
I shrug. “I’d rather know from the start what I’m getting into. This thing isn’t going to be any harder or any different if I find out down the line. And if I know now, I know what I have moving forward. But I don’t know if I can move forward if he’s pushing me away.”
“Do you want to end it?”
I shake my head. I’ve already thought about it, and I know how I feel. “I’ve never felt anything for anyone the way I feel for Blake. I know it’s fast, and I know there are a lot of reasons to not do this. But I can’t just walk away from something that feels better than anything I’ve ever had. Do you believe in soulmates?”
Samantha shakes her head. “No, but I know you do.”
I nod.
“And I know you think this is meant to be because of that fortune teller.”
“Do you think I’m being stupid?”
Samantha shakes her head. “We all believe what we want to believe and create the world we want to live in through those beliefs. If you believe in soulmates, then a soulmate is what you’ll find. Just the same way I don’t see the point in dating if I don’t want to build this big future, so I’m happy single.”
I guess it makes sense. I’m not so sure about her way of seeing things but to each their own.
“Do you think it’s going to be a problem down the line?” I ask.
“What?” Sam asks. “Are you asking me if I think he’ll do what he’s scared of and hurt you? Or do I think that his emotional baggage will be a problem?”
I think about it for a moment. “Both. I wasn’t so worried about him hurting me, but it won’t kill me to know what you think.”
“Well, I think that he has a lot to work through. He’s by no means an easy person to have in your life—there will be a lot of drama before this shit is taken care of. And that’s assuming he’ll actively try to face it. But I also think that his emotional issues will be harder work to deal with than someone who’s had a smooth life.”
