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Chapter 35
The evening that she had found Hannah’s letter, after attending a PTA meeting and knowing that Sarah was babysitting, Hope let herself cry in the car.
Only when she was sure her tears were dry, and that girls were asleep, she went home.
“Hey, hey, what’s the matter with you?” Sarah asked almost the moment Hope entered through the front door. She got to her feet and put her palm on Hope’s forearm.
The tears, the goddamn tears, brimmed in her eyes again.
Sarah pulled her into a hug, filling her with the smell of gardenias and hair products. “There, there. Who broke your heart?”
“Who told you—”
“That you got your heart broken? Oh, I can see. I’m a pharmacist; I know the different looks of pain.”
Hope pulled herself back and sniffed. “I broke it.”
“You? Why?”
“Because … this man I was … seeing, he wasn’t perfect, but who is, right? He made mistakes. He’s … Who hasn’t? But I can only account for myself, and I made big mistakes, and I can’t make more, especially not with the girls. We’re different and live differently, and it’s too complicated and risky. And besides, I won’t stand in anyone’s way when eventually … I had someone who knew the right thing to say to get me, someone who had ambitions, and then … And the three of us had to learn—”
“Wait, wait. You lost me. Are we talking about this man you were seeing, or is this your ex-husband you’re telling me about?”
She sniffed. “Both.”
“Both? Can I be honest, dear?”
“Please.”
“Okay, let’s not mix things. You married that boy Lucile Hays raised, whose name you still retain for your girls’ sake. He wanted to be some hotshot, go to MIT like his mother always announced he would, but he had to go to Nebraska or something instead.”
“Minnesota.”
“Minnesota. Whatever. And he found you there, a little gem of a woman who he couldn’t even see for who she was. And because nothing in his life was ever good enough for him, because that’s how his parents raised him—like nothing was ever good enough for him, not even them, by the way—he wooed you then made you feel like he settled on less than he deserved. Am I right? And he treated you like that for too many years.”
“Not all the time, but yes. And I let him.”
“You let him, and that was your mistake. But like you say, we all make mistakes. But if the man we’re talking about now is a Delaney—as I suspect we are—ever since that day you called me after Hannah broke her tooth—if that’s the man we’re talking about, and if it wasn’t him who broke your heart, and if he wants to be with you—then let me tell you something, sweetie. You’ll be making another mistake if you let him get away altogether.”
“But he’s—”
“Yes, he’s away, and he’s been having issues, and he’s in the public eye, and he’s best friends with the President, and you’re an elementary school teacher,” Sarah enumerated in a I-couldn’t-care-lesstone. “It’s all petty cash if there’s love. Did he ever let you feel that way? That you’re a compromise? Jordan?” Sarah asked.
“No.”
“No. So, he’s not the problem. I heard what they said of him. I don’t watch that crap, and I wouldn’t believe it, anyway. I saw him grow up, and I saw him at the engagement party, and I heard what Deidre said about him. I know his mother, and I see what his brother is made of. He can talk all right—he wouldn’t be in politics if he couldn’t—but I don’t think he’s one of those who tell you what you want to hear only to make you feel like shit later. So, whatever you have on him, take that off his list of symptoms.” Sarah giggled at her own medical reference.
“I never said he was like that, but I also can’t expect him to … He has a whole life and—”
Sarah placed her palms on Hope’s biceps to stop her. “It’s not about him. It’s you who first needs to heal, to get over what that douchebag—yes, I hear how you girls talk. And I sell douchebags in my pharmacy. And let me tell you, they’re more useful than some men who are nicknamed after them, for some reason. Anyway, you have to get over the damage he’s done first. Without it, you won’t be able to fully believe, trust, or be with anyone in any good sort of way.” Sarah pursed her lips into a thin line and nodded in a I know I’m right.
Hope sniffed again. “But—”
“Do you love him?”
Hope pressed her fingers to the corners of her eyes to stop the tears. “Yes.” She had never admitted it with words, not even to Libby and Roni.
“I’m not saying it’s easy, especially with your ex and his mother. And no one can promise you anything. It’s a risk, especially with those two over there.” Sarah jutted her chin toward the bedrooms. “But love’s a risk, and life’s a risk. Everything’s a risk from the moment we’re born. You’re too emotional right now, sweetie. Take your time. Then reassess yourself.”
Hope nodded in rapid succession, taking in Sarah’s words, almost hanging on to them.
“Thanks, Sarah. For everything. I wish you were my aunt, too.”
“Oh, honey, but I am.” Sarah smiled.
Hope hugged and squeezed the older woman tightly.
