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“Girls.” Our principal looks up at us in surprise. I wipe my sweaty palms on my school uniform, trying to stop my legs from shaking. “What can I do for you?”
“We came to talk to you about the school magazine,” Tiana says. Mrs Fitzgerald purses her lips, but Tiana hurries on. “We want to work on an article that will help our students deal with what happened to Joel.”
“Girls–”
“It’s not going to go into any detail about what happened,” I interrupt. “More of an article on how you can seek help if you need it. We think it’s really important.”
Mrs Fitzgerald pinches the bridge of her nose. “This is a really difficult time for everyone, even those who didn’t know him. To lose someone so young in such tragic circumstances, it’s just terrible. We’ve discussed it amongst the staff, and we don’t think anything should be reported on in the magazine. It could be triggering for some students.”
“But the students need to know. I mean, not about Joel, but they need to know about support services and… and… and that… that they can help each other.” My voice is beginning to rise, and I take a couple of breaths to calm myself. “Mrs Fitzgerald, please, just let us write the article and you can read it. This is important.” I take a deep breath. My legs bounce as we wait for her response.
Mrs Fitzgerald sighs. “You’ll need to speak to a counsellor. This is a very sensitive topic. I’m not promising you can publish, but I will give you a chance to write something. I admire your passion, girls. The next couple of weeks aren’t going to be easy. If you can help with that then you deserve the chance.” She offers us a small smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. “Get the office to book you an appointment to see the counsellor on your way out.”
We nod, standing up. “Thanks, Mrs Fitzgerald.”
It’s Okay Not to Be Okay
By Hannah Robinson and Tiana Ristevski
To quote Marshmello and Demi Lovato: ‘All you need is somebody to say, it’s okay not to be okay’. Depression and anxiety should not be taboo topics, but teenagers are still too embarrassed to talk about their problems to their friends. Why? We’re all going through the same things. Puberty, sexuality and identity crises, relationships, pressures at school and home, keeping up with unrealistic expectations we see in movies and read in books; the list goes on. Being a teenager isn’t easy. We should be supporting each other, building each other up. Not competing against one another and tearing each other down.
Anxiety is your body’s natural response to stress. It’s normal to be anxious in situations when you feel like you don’t have complete control over everything, because we can’t control everything in our lives. We can only control ourselves and what we do in certain situations. For some, anxiety can consume you, making you feel unsure and worried about every little thing in your life. Sometimes it overwhelms you to the point where you feel paralysed with fear.
Depression is a mental health disorder distinguished by persistently low moods or a loss of concern in activities and interests, causing significant impairment in daily life. Signs you might be struggling with depression could be finding yourself crying for no particular reason or having angry outbursts about things that are seemingly insignificant. You might struggle to find motivation to get out of bed or undertake tasks that used to be enjoyable.
Growing up in a social media-rich world where every single move is documented and scrutinised, the pressures to wear the right thing, hang out with the cool people and scoring the best invitations are considered life or death. But your teenage years are only a small part of your life. Try to surround yourself with good friends wherever you can find them, together you can navigate the highs and lows. Mental health and your emotional wellbeing are important things to take care of and, more often than not, you can’t do it alone.
Cutting back on social media usage or removing negative influences from your social media profiles can help to reduce the pressures of scrutiny and judgement from your lives. Getting caught up in everything that is going on in everyone else’s lives can be addictive, but it’s important to remember to make sure you are living your own life. People only tend to post the good things on social media, you don’t know what is going on behind the happy snaps. They might be dealing with their own demons. Only go on social media with a purpose, avoid logging on just for the sake of something to do.
Removing toxic people from your life and surrounding yourself with positive influences will ensure your self-esteem remains intact. Get rid of anyone in your life who makes you feel bad about yourself or takes advantage of you. These people are detrimental to your mental health.
Sleep, diet and exercise are also important for maintaining your mental health. Ensuring you are getting a good amount of high-quality sleep and maintaining a healthy diet can reduce stress. Cutting out or reducing your caffeine intake and limiting your screen time up to two hours before bed can help. Put your phone on silent or do not disturb so you are not tempted to keep checking it when you are trying to sleep.
Exercising regularly helps to stimulate parts of your brain by releasing endorphins, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. These brain chemicals all play a part in regulating your mood, as well as improving your appetite and sleep cycles. Exercise can also help to distract you from the things that are getting you down. It gives you something else to focus on.
Most importantly, if you are suffering from anxiety or depression, you don’t have to do it alone. All you need is one friend, family member or support person to talk to. They don’t have to have any answers, they just need to be willing to listen and be there for you. If you are embarrassed to talk to anyone that you know, there are places you can call to speak to people anonymously. Beyond Blue and Reach Out offer online forums–supportive and safe spaces where you can read other people’s stories, ask for advice or share your own experiences. There are also 24-hour free telephone support services: Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800, Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 or Headspace 1800 650 890. The important thing is that while it is okay to not be okay, make sure you reach out and ask for support to get through the tough times. There is always someone willing to listen.
42
St Mary’s Cathedral is packed. Looking around, it’s at least eighty percent filled with teenagers. I spot kids in four different uniforms. Majority of them boys in black blazers with gold trim over their grey knit jumpers, the same St Christopher’s uniform Macca, JD and I are wearing. Hannah and Ashley are dressed in their navy and red Our Lady uniform. There are a few Lakewood and North High students scattered throughout the church in green and grey. Most of them played footy at Bridgeport with Joel. I spot Sarah sitting with her head in her hands, flanked by Tiana and Caley; they’re a few rows back from Joel’s family.
My stomach contorts into tight knots. The coffin is sitting at the front of the room, surrounded by flowers. There’s a large screen with a photo of Joel smiling out at us, his year of birth and death underneath. I stumble a little bit when I see his birthdate… he was only a week older than me.
I tug on my tie, and Hannah squeezes my hand. Sweat is pooling between my shoulder blades and under my arms. Despite being the middle of winter, and the rain pouring heavily outside, the temperature feels like fifty degrees inside the church. It’s the same church we had my father’s funeral, which doesn’t make this any easier.
Macca clears his throat beside me. Ashley’s tucked up against him, her face pale. “We should go find a seat.”
I nod, following JD down the aisle, thankful that he stops at a pew about halfway down the aisle. The five of us take our seats, and Hannah rests her head on my shoulder. I can’t face Joel’s family right now. They must hate me for everything that’s gone down between me and Joel. The fight at school, hooking up with his girlfriend, his suspension from footy, and now this.
My heart pounds in my ears, and I wipe my clammy hands on my grey slacks. This isn’t happening. It’s got to be a bad joke. I wait for Joel to just pop up out of nowhere and say, “What’s up guys? I’m still here.” But he doesn’t. Because he can’t. He’s really gone. I squirm in my seat.
“You okay?” Hannah murmurs.
Looking down at the concern in her eyes, my heart twists. How have things reached this point? He was only eighteen. I’m only eighteen.
I nod, acid rising in my throat. “Yeah, I’m okay.”
“I know this must be bringing back memories, but we’re here for you.” She brushes her lips over my cheek and another wave of guilt washes over me. I remember the night I met Sarah at JD’s party and called her Hannah. If only I’d realised then what a mistake I was making getting involved with Sarah. Maybe none of this would have happened, and we wouldn’t be sitting here at Joel’s funeral.
