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Who the fuck wasMargeaux?
Why do you care?
This deeper involvement I had going with Onyx was supposed to be about my sexual… therapy, nothing more. I’d never had an issue compartmentalizing my emotions where men were concerned and this wasn’t supposed to be any different.
Except…compartmentalizing my emotionswas… not exactly what’d been happening.
To compartmentalize them, I needed tohavethe emotions, and in past experiences, that wasn’t exactly the way it went down.
Not with Kev, nor the guy before him, nor the one before that.
Honestly, the last man to have me in my feelings was a college boyfriend I’d thought I’d wanted to marry, until he switched up after learning of my “gang” involvement.
Bitch.
That was when I’d learned an important lesson; not everybody was built for this and that was fine. After Tali died though, it wasn’t even about finding that diamond in the rough, that rare breed who could handle it.
I didn’twantto find anyone because I didn’t want to lose anyone because losing people… hurt.
Losing my father only further cauterized my heart.
That was where Kev had come in.
Perfect face, perfect dick,perfectlyuninspiring in every other category.
No chance that once the inevitable end of our affair came, I would miss him.
Which… shit, was still true, although him being aliteralsexual predator was certainly not what I’d expected. In most cases like mine, there would have been some level of grief, for the loss of the relationship the target thought they had with their abuser.
I’d gotten lucky.
I got to skip that part because I really didn’t feel anything for him in the first place.
This thing with Onyx, though…
Fuck my life.
This was something else.
Something alien.
Probably why I’d gotten so pissed at Brandon for questioning it. He was poking at something I didn’t understand well enough to offer much in the way of a rational defense.
I stood byeveryword I’d said to him, but thinking back on it, I’d gone straight from zero to ten, unnecessarily. But I’d heldhimdown through plenty of moments when he was at a twenty even though a three was more appropriate.
We balanced each other.
And I knew, beyondanydoubt, that he had my back. Brandon wanted the absolute best for me and I trusted his judgement, implicitly.
He was right. I needed to be careful of my feelings where Onyx was concerned, the chances of some sort of toxic, trauma bonding shit washigh.
That night, he and Brandon had been my heroes, andobviouslyI wasn’t going to latch onto my damn brother in an intimate manner.
That savior attachment shit was real; my therapist had warned me about it.
But whatever this was, it wasn’tonlyabout that night.
I wasn’t sure it was about that night, which I only remembered in bits and pieces now anyway, at all.
