Page 25 of Making Time for Us


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We make the drive in relative silence. The radio is on, but I couldn't tell you what's playing. Ellie stares out the window with a sense of calm I do not possess right now.

After entering the office, Ellie pays for the session while I scan the room. There are large, comfortable lounge chairs, magazines on glass end tables, a water cooler with little paper cups, and inspiration framed posters all around.

Rolling my eyes, I step closer to get a good look at the sayings.

“Expecting to change without hard work is like trying to swim without getting in the water.”

“You are the only person who can decide what’s next for your life.”

“You can’t be brave without being scared too.”

“Embrace the change because change is the only constant in life.”

Ellie steps next to me quietly and scans the posters too with a smirk on her face already knowing how lame I think they are. Before we get a chance to sit down, a composed voice calls our name. “Ellie and Marco.”

A Black woman in her mid-fifties with white hair and bright blue glasses offers us a warm smile and waves us to step into her office. Ellie grabs my hand and squeezes it as we walk behind her.

Here goes nothing…

I stand awkwardly with Ellie by the couch as Katherine closes the door behind her.

“Please have a seat and make yourselves comfortable,” she tells as she motions to the couch. She seems genuine and that puts me at ease a little.

Inhaling the peppermint scent of the office, I feel the tension in my neck and shoulders loosen a little as I sit next to Ellie.

“Hi, Katherine. Thank you so much for squeezing us in.” Ellie settles down with ease. “This is my husband, Marco.”

“Oh, it’s my pleasure. I’m so glad I am finally able to meet the famous Marco,” she says to me, and I grin awkwardly at her.

How much does this woman know about me? Oh god, does she know all about our sex life? I don’t think I thought this through.

Sensing my panic, Katherine turns to me and smiles again. “This is a safe place, Marco. I’m not here to judge. My goal is to help you and Ellie communicate your desires for your marriage.” She pauses to grab a mint from a candy dish on the table between us and offers us one. After we both shake our heads so she continues. “Thank you for granting me your trust and agreeing to come, Marco. I know it means so much to Ellie that you’re here.” She shifts her gazes to Ellie and before she pops the mint in her mouth, she says, “So, Ellie, can you tell Marco why you asked him here?”

“Yes, of course.” Clearing her throat and turning her body towards me, Ellie says, “Since the girls started school, I just feel like I’m in this weird place. I went from being needed all day to an empty house. It’s made me question a lot of things: my role now that we’ve entered this new stage. If I’m contributing enough or if I should go back to work—”

My body tenses at her words. “No, absolutely not. Your focus should be on the kids. We agreed on that years ago and they need you.”

Katherine says softly, “Marco, it’s very important that you both have the space you need to share without interruptions. I know it’s hard not to get defensive, but once Ellie has told you why she asked you here, we can discuss everything she mentioned. Then, you can share anything you’d like to as well.”

I nod apologetically. “Sorry.” I turn to Ellie. “I’m sorry, babe. Go on.”

She continues, “If I should go back to work. I was going to say I don’t want to because I feel like my whole purpose is being there for them, but it feels like I should be contributing more or something. There’s just all this time to fill. I get chores done pretty quick and I’ve been working out too, which has been a great thing for just me, but it doesn’t fill the days.” She clears her throat again. “I’ve also been thinking about our marriage and how it’s changed since we had kids. I knew it would, obviously, but that romantic side isn’t there anymore because we’re always so busy with your work and the kids.” She lowers her voice. “And our sex has been…” She stops and bites her lip as her eyes shift from mine to Katherine’s.

“Go on, Ellie. All your feelings are valid.” Katherine encourages her.

Taking a deep breath, she looks at me again. “It’s been kind of dull.” She winces as she waits for my reaction.

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks, but I keep my face neutral. Inside I’m freaking the fuck out. What could I even say to her telling me my sex is lame anyway?

She rushes to add, “I just meant there hasn’t been muchfirethere and it’s totally me because I have been in my head thinking about my body now and if you still find me sexy —” I part my lips to speak but Ellie rushes to talk over me again. “I know you do, you said you do, but I’m not the same as I was before kids. I wiggle and there’s loose skin and marks all over. My boobs aren’t as perky as they used to be either.” She sighs softly before continuing. “It’s just hard to feel sexy. Plus, I don’t think I even know what I like in the bedroom anymore.” She reaches for my hand and squeezes it tight, and I return the grip. “So, I asked you here so we could talk about all those things.”

Offering her a small smile, I keep my voice even as I stare into her eyes. “Is it my turn now?” She nods nervously so I continue. “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, inside and out, without question, and have been since the day I met you. Your body is gorgeous and has only gotten better with each day that has passed and each mark it’s collected. Every curve, every line, every wiggle —” I air quotewiggle“— turns me on because it belongs to you, the woman who has held my heart for the last sixteen years.” I reach down to pull our joined hands up so I can plant a soft kiss on her knuckles. “I will forever worship the body that gave me the greatest gift of our four children, and every imperfection you speak of is not something I see when I look at you anyway.” She swallows a lump in her throat as her eyes become teary. “You are the force who holds our family together. You are the most excellent mother to our kids, always showing up in the ways they need you and putting them first. You are so strong, sometimes too strong, always forcing me to grow and be better.” I smirk at her and she giggles quietly as I reach up to wipe away the lone tear that has fallen from her cheek. “As far as the sex, I don’t really know what to say there.” I stop before I put my foot in my mouth and choke myself to death.

Sensing our need for direction, Katherine interjects. “I hear you say that you do find Ellie attractive and she still arouses you. Is that right, Marco?”

I steel my eyes on Ellie. “One hundred percent, yes.”

“Do you enjoy sex with her?”

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