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She makes it seem so easy and her encouragement fills me with a sense of excitement and confidence. I look at Marco. “Do you think we can do this?”
He squeezes my hand tighter again — it’s not lost on me that he never let go of it in the first place — and he says with assurance, “Absolutely. I think it could be fun.”
“Okay, let’s do it,” I tell him and turn to Katherine’s wide smile.
She leans across to hand me the booklet of prompts in her hand and we say our goodbyes.
In the parking lot, Marco walks me to my side of the truck, but instead of opening my door, he gently leans my back against it and stares down at me with his piercing hazel eyes. He cups both my cheeks and says, “You knowIloveyoumore than anything in the world right?”
I nod. “I do.”
He cradles the back of my neck and lifts me up so our lips meet and I close my eyes at the warmth of his touch.
After a few moments connected, he pulls back he says, “One thing is bothering me though, and I didn’t really want to ask in front of Katherine because it felt like I would be throwing you under the bus…” He pauses and I wait for him to gather his words. “Why didn’t you just tell me during sex that it wasn’t doing anything for you?”
I shrug and bite my lip. “I don’t know. I was embarrassed, I guess. I don’t even know when it really happened, but then it seemed like too much time had gone by to say,hey, I haven’t been having orgasms for years, can we maybe change that?”I shrug as my shoulders tense. “You know, like when you forget someone’s name but then see them a hundred more times and can’t really ask again because then you look like an ass. I’m the ass.”
He laughs out a throaty laugh and the sound makes my whole body relax. “Yeah, I can see how that would be a little awkward. Just promise me you’ll never keep anything like that from me, even if it makes you an ass, okay?”
He tips my chin so our eyes meet and the sincerity shining from his gives me goosebumps. “I promise. I want to figure out who we are and what we both like now because I missus. I know we never left but I miss our fun as a couple, you know? We lost it along the way too.”
“I think these thirty days will be good for us.”
“Me too, and it’s not your fault or mine. Life has been crazy since we had Jonathan and I think that’s normal. But one day they’ll be gone, and it’ll be you and me and I want to still like you then,” I tease while I poke his ribs.
He squirms away as he fights laughter. “Oh, that ship has sailed. You’re stuck with me until I’m all old and gray and my balls have shriveled up like raisins.” He chuckles as he leans in to kiss me again.
After we’re both settled in the truck, I ask, “What’s going to go on your list?”
“Katherine said not to talk about it for two days so I’m not telling yet.” He locks his lips with his fingers and pretends to throw the key out his open window like he’s five years old. “My lips are sealed.”
I roll my eyes at him. “Oh, come on, I want to know what you have in mind.”
“You will. In two days. It’s going to be good too. Earth-shattering shit.” He jokes.
“You’re such a dork.” I laugh and shake my head. “But I still love ya.”
Chapter 12
Here goes nothing...
Ellie
Thenexttwodaysare pure torture. I try to crack him again several times, but true to his word, his lips are sealed. That or he says random stuff likestart talking like a pirate, argh,orscale Mount Everest.
So annoying.
After my last futile attempt, I decided to concentrate on my list and wait like the patient person I am not.
ForGoals as a Couple,my initial request is really to spend more time together and have more sex, but that’s basically what our assignment is, so I try to think of a more concrete goal to focus on.
It’s Friday morning and Marco is at his mother’s house fixing herinsert whatever dumb request she has now here. She’s been hounding him for days about something, but he’s been putting it off. Works for me though, because I’m at the kitchen table going over my list and finding my courage. We agreed to go over them at lunch today, so I want to finalize what I have.
This exercise has actually been more difficult than I thought it would be. It’s forcing my internal dialogue to come out and speak my needs, and while that feels super uncomfortable to do, it’s time.
Inside my head, I’m naughty and assertive. That version of me wants to tell him exactly where to put it and what to do to make my entire body light on fire. Old me can’t push that confidence to the surface, but new me is screaming, “DO IT!”
I’m psyching myself up as I hear the garage roll-up. When Marco walks in the door, I immediately flip the paper over like I’ve been caught red-handed. The flush on my face must be obvious because when he looks at me, he smirks that devilish smirk I’ve always loved, and then comes over to see what I’m hiding.
