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Saxton . . .
I should have known he wasn't going to keep his mouth shut. He has too many good qualities to actually be deceptive. My shoulders drop and I walk to the door, sitting beside him on the floor, mirroring his position. Both of us stare at the door across from us. I don't say anything, unsure of what to say. "You were going to keep that from me? You're carrying my baby and you didn't think I had a right to know?"
The guilt from his words consumes me. He's right. I wasn't going to tell him. My eyes blur, everything coming to the surface once again, only harder this time. "It's my fault. I messed up my pills, Bryant. I didn't know until you left when I went to start a new pack. Instead of one row of pills left I had two. I always skip the week of the sugar pill. It's useless. It's only in the packet to keep you on track with taking them, but I avoid anything that could potentially cause unnecessary weight gain, so I've never taken them and I've never messed them up. I still don't really know how I did, to be honest. I guess a mix of Saxton and Kambry coming, and then you happened. It had been a while since I had been with someone so it wasn't fresh maybe. Fuck, I don't know. I got Plan B at the pharmacy and took it, but the pharmacist explained it wouldn't work if I were already pregnant. I was waiting to start my period to start my new pack. The day came and went with no period. I'm always regular but I kept waiting, thinking maybe I just had extra stress since I knew I fucked up. I finally went to the doctor yesterday and had my blood drawn. Wanted the most accurate test to get it out of the way. It was positive. It was my fault. I was just going to figure out how I wanted to deal with it before I went back on Monday with my answer. I didn't want to burden you with it. You asked me if I was on birth control and I told you I was. I'm taking the fall. You don't owe me anything with this."
"I don't recall you forcing me to nut inside of you, Ty. I'm pretty sure I made that decision on my own. And if you didn't find a used condom somewhere in your room, I doubt one was ever used . . . from that first night, before I ever asked you about birth control. I've thought about it over and over since Saxton told me. I was pretty lit, some of that night hazy, but I don't remember a condom ever coming out and not once have I done that with a one-night stand, completely out of it or not. We're both responsible. We deal with it together. Understood?"
"Bryant . . ."
"Tynleigh, it's just as much my kid as yours."
I drop my stuff between my legs, sagging in defeat. "Then what do you want to do?"
He grabs me around the waist, pulling me to straddle his lap, catching me off guard. I finally notice his eyes are a reflection of mine: watery and barely holding back tears. It gives him a soft exterior next to all of that roughness, something I've never noticed in him, and it tears my wall down a little more. My shirt inches up my body, baring my flat stomach. He places his palm over it, studying it, and then looks up at me, his lips slightly quivering. "It scares the hell out of me to imagine being a father, but I think I want to keep it. I want us to keep it, to raise it together."
My eyes search his. "This isn't a decision you can take back, Bryant. I don't know that I want to do this alone later on. That's why I was just going to make the decision by myself. Call me selfish, but I like my life too much. I love my freedom. What about California, the stores, your life there? I don't expect you to give up everything just because you knocked up a fling when you went on vacation. It's not like we're in—"
I silence my own words. "Love?" he finishes. "Maybe not, but maybe we could be. I'm probably shit at relationships. I wouldn't know. I've never wanted one. But I could try, for this. It deserves both of us."
I shake my head. "I won't be in a relationship just because of this baby. I'm not that girl. I don't want a man to be with me out of obligation, or vice versa. If you want to do this . . ." I take another breath, “together, then you can move in if you want and we split the rent. Figure this out as we go. We can co-parent, co-habitat, roommate, however you want to look at it. I meant what I said. I'd like for us to be friends."
He grips my face, pulling me closer. "I still want you, baby or not."
"Then have my body. I'm already pregnant. I'm fine with roommates with benefits, but I don't expect you to give up anything else. I will not be the person that you hate later on because we created a relationship due to a baby. That's not good for us or for it."
"What if I want more later?"
"Then we deal with it later, when I can see that it's real. Right now, we’re upset, shocked, emotional, and a little taken back. People are more likely to react when they're upset." I grab my stuff and stand, holding out my hand for his. "This is how I can deal with this. Do you want it or not?"
He stands, grabbing his duffel bag, and then takes my hand. "Okay. Let's give it a shot."
I open the door and we walk inside . . . together. So much has changed since I met him. I'm scared to death. I have no idea if I'll be a good mother, and I hope and pray to God that I don't regret this, but seeing the look in his eyes . . . one of these days I may owe my brother for not listening to me, because maybe I was wrong to think I needed to leave him out of this. I don't claim to always be right. Just like anyone else I make mistakes, bad decisions, choose the wrong side.
Right now, an odd sense of relief floods every corridor of my body, because if I'm one hundred percent honest with myself, I'm not sure I could live with myself emotionally, terminating this pregnancy, because I already find myself asking the normal questions. Who will it look like? Will it be a boy or girl? Will it be more like him or I, or will it be a solid mix? And what will we be like as parents?
I lead him to the room Saxton and Kambry stayed in. "This is your room. Do with it what you want. If we're going to be roommates this place is just as much yours as mine."
He sets his duffel bag on top of the freshly made bed and looks at me. "So what's next?" he asks.
"Whatever you want. You don't have to answer to me."
"I meant with the baby. What's Monday?"
"I have to see my doctor. Let her know which way I'm going. Then, she'll tell us what's next. I'm as clueless as you are. I don't know anything about babies. I mingle with the singles, and none of them have kids."
"Do you want me to go with you?"
"If you want."
"Okay."
"I'm going to let you get settled. I need a shower." I start to walk out the door, but he grabs my hand, stopping me.
He pulls me back, and before I can even focus on him he kisses me, long and hard, but it's a little different than any kiss I remember. Relief maybe? Was he worried about me ending it too? He releases my mouth from his capture. "I've missed you, Ty. Before I knew, I missed you."
"I missed you too," I say, my emotions still fresh. He pulls my shirt up my body, removing it.
"Have you been with anyone else since me? I just need to know, for me."
