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“No, I don’t think it is, Nell. I don’t think you get it yet. How about this? This room that’s been locked for two years?” I lean back and kick the door in, letting Nell absorb the weight of the items inside. “This is where she stored all the baby shit. When she saw something she liked, she bought it and brought it home todiein this place. BecauseImade her believe we would find a way.”
After we cross the hallway I point to the bed. “That is where sex became a chore, a performance, a scheduled chance at intimacy with my wife that was utterly fucking depressing by the end. And that bathroom there is where she broke down and cried over every negative test. Twenty-five to be exact. Twenty-five times she wept on the other side of that door because we had failedagain.”
I ignore the tears streaming down Nell’s face and push on. “And this house is the reason she’s fucking dead. If we had still lived at the clubhouse, she wouldn’t have been driving on that part of the road at that time. I built the house. I picked the address. I bought the land.I fucking killed her,Nell. I did this.”
“Knox, no-”
“We’re going home.” Home to a place that doesn’t have memories woven so tightly into every inch and heartbreak hiding in every crevice.
“That bed?” Nell shouts, pointing into the bedroom. “That bed is where you made love to your wife for years, and even if it was depressing for you, she was hopeful. You did everything you could to make her happy. That bathroom has heated tiles in the floor because you didn’t want her feet to get cold. So even if she spent months on the floor crying, at least her ass was warm while she did it. And youbought herthe fucking couch that she sat on with me and laughed. You put that laugh in her chest. You gave her the table to serve you dinner at and the counter she drank her coffee at and she did all of this with you because sheloved you! Although lately I’m having a hard time figuring out why!”
“Good,” I snarl at her, leaning closer to her face. “You’ve finally opened your eyes.”
Chapter Sixteen
Nell
Knox’s boots going back down the stairs are deafening. I didn’t mean to say that. I need to apologize, but everything is still so raw. The things he said to me hurt me deeply. This place isn’t a coffin, and it’s not the reason my sister is dead. Knox is just so twisted up in his grief that he believes it's his fault. He truly believes he failed her, and I can’t change that.
This house isn’t just bad memories, though. Maybe for him now, but for me?
“Oh my god!” I groan through a mouthful of the best food I’ve ever tasted. “Sis, this is amazing. What did you call this?”
“Shrimp fettuccine with alfredo sauce. I’ve been working on it. You like it?”
“I love it,” comes out garbled as I scarf down more of the deliciousness on the plate in front of me.
“I figured since I’m an actualhouse-wife now I should get better at cooking.” She’s always been a great cook, but her focus is on the big house she’s finally getting to live in.
“It’s great! A lot better than what thatbitchmakes.” Dad just married a new woman, and since I’m still living with him, I’m stuck with her shitty cooking.
Layla sighs. “How is Dad?” She doesn’t actually care. She’s asking for my benefit, rather than spouting off about how much of an evil dick our dad is.
“I hate him. Clearly he was wrong about Knox.”
Layla licks her lips and shakes her head. “It’s been years. I don’t even remember the last thing he said about Knox.”
I do. I remember every word.
“Layla, you are seventeen, honey. You have no idea what you’re doing hooking up with a guy like that. He is never going to become a productive member of society. He’s never going to provide you with the things you want, the things you’re accustomed to here.” Dad widens his hands, motioning to the rest of the house. “You’ll spend the rest of your life in a communal house with a bunch of gangsters that think they’re above the law.”
“You don’t know anything about the club, Dad. And you don’t know anything about Knox, either. If you’d given him a second of your attention last weekend when I tried to introduce you-”
“No, that’s not the kind of introduction you give to a respectable man. You pointing him out to me while he’s wearing an outlaw vest is just…” Dad shudders and tightens his grip on the fork. “He’s not the kind of man I want with my daughter. He’s not thegoodkind of man that you deserve. You’re beautiful. You can do better.”
“Knox loves me! He wants to marry me and build me a house! How could I do better than that?”
Dad shakes his head. “No, Layla. No daughter of mine will be seen like that. I’ll introduce you to a few of the nice sons of my colleagues. Let them take you on a few dates-”
“No! I loveKnox.I’m not going to talk to those boys, and I’m not going to date them. I’m going to marry Knox and he’s going to give me an amazing life.”
“If you insist on marrying him, I’ll be forced to disown you. I won’t have a delinquent living in my house.”
“No, you won’t, because I’ll be living in the house Knox is going to build me. And he’ll give me a better life than you could even dream of.” Layla shoves her plate away and stands from the table.
“Layla, sit back down.”
“No, if you’ll excuse me, I have to tell Knox what color of granite I want for my kitchen counters.”
