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We walk hand in hand to my room, which isn’t far away. Opening the door he comes inside, “If you change your mind Stella, call me. Please change your mind.”
Touching his face one last time, he pulls me into his arms and kisses me. I can feel how much he loves me with this one kiss. This is his goodbye kiss. This is it. The last one. I wrap my arms around his neck and try to memorize the feel and taste of his mouth.
He pulls away, “I wish I never had to leave. Goodbye Stella. I love you so fucking much.”
“Goodbye Jamie, I love you too. Please never forget me or our time together.”
“I couldn’t if I tried.”
He walks out of my life. No, that’s not true. I pushed him out of my life because, as always, I’m terrified of pain. I’m tempted to go to the bar for a drink, but I can’t because I know it’ll just make me think of Jamie. So instead, I sat and cried for hours. I got a text from Jamie.
From: Jamie… I landed safely. I almost wish I didn’t. I merely exist without you. Please change your mind. I love you so much. I swore I wouldn’t do this. But please Stella.
To: Jamie… I’m glad you landed safely. Please take care of yourself. I wish I could be strong like you
From: Drew… We’re releasing the suspense book first before the second book of your series. There will be signings soon. I’ll be in touch.
To: Drew… It’s not released yet.
From: Drew.. Let me do my job and you can do yours.
Alright. That was pleasant. Sometimes he’s such an ass. Really, I know that he knows what happened with Jamie and is jealous.
I try to get back to my normal life and throw myself into my writing, but I can’t think about anything other than Jamie. He’s my world, and it feels like my world has ended. I fantasize about calling him and telling him I changed my mind. I really miss him, but I can’t. It’s better this way. I’ll get over him, I just hope that it’s soon. I feel like I’m losing myself. I’m broken. I can’t breathe. My chest physically hurts. Does he feel like this? Is he okay? Is he thinking about me? Can he not get me out of his head?
I have to be at this publicity event in two hours. An event that Jamie should be at but won’t be. Looking in the mirror, I realize I look like hell. My eyes are red. It’s clear that I’ve been crying. I glance down at my phone and see a text message.
From: Drew… Would you like me to pick you up?
To: Drew… No thank you. I have a ride. See you later.
I slipped into Jamie’s favorite dress, a black tight dress with a plunging neckline. He won’t even be there, but this dress brings back wonderful memories. The way he looked at me when he saw me. I miss him so much. Walking to the elevator, I wonder if I should switch hotels. The memories I have of him are everywhere. The room, the hallways, the elevator, the bar, he’s everywhere. I love and hate the memories at the same time. As I walk to the valet, where I’m meeting Scarlet and Alexander, I try to shake him out of my system for one night. But his memory prevails when I see Alexander. They look alike and have some of the same mannerisms. Alexander steps out of his vehicle and opens the door for me. He’s always a gentleman. I get in and Scarlet gives me a sympathetic smile. She knows me very well, and she knows I’m far from being okay.
As we drive to Ryan’s Place where this party is being held, I am lost in thought. Why send one writer to California when we are having this publicity event? Especially when Jamie is really the more successful writer between the two of us. It just makes little sense to me. Why now?
Scarlet snaps me out of my trance.
“Stella, are you okay, honey?”
“I miss him.”
“If it’s important, you make it work. Instead of running when things get difficult,” Alexander said.
Scarlet said, “Alexander!” in a scolding tone.
“How is he?”
“He’s a fucking mess,” Alexander said.
I’ve been so busy wallowing in my heartbreak that I hadn’t really thought about how this affected Jamie. I’m a terrible person, so self absorbed.
Finally, we arrive at the bar so I can hopefully focus my mind on something, anything else. Alexander parks his car and gets out and opens the doors for Scarlet and me both. I’m pretty sure he hates me now, but he’s still being a gentleman. I pull Scarlet aside.
“He hates me.”
She laughs, “He has no capacity for hate. I think you and Jamie bring up uncomfortable memories for him. He doesn’t enjoy seeing his brother so unhappy. However, he definitely does not hate you.”
We walk in the front door and wow. There’s giant floor to ceiling posters hanging. One is the cover of our book. The other is a picture of me and Jamie. God, he is so handsome. He should be here. Why isn’t he? Drew comes up behind me and whispers in my ear, “That’s a beautiful photograph of you.”
