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“I wanted to, Ian. Really, I did, but your grandparents made me promise not to tell you until they were ready. They didn’t want to put guilt on you or make you feel as if you needed to come home to care for them.”
“I would’ve come home,” he muttered, wrapping the towel around himself. He then placed his hands against his face and sighed. “I haven’t even been calling to check in on them enough.”
“They don’t blame you. They know you were busy.”
“Busy being a little shit.”
“Ian, they love you so much, and they don’t hold anything against you. Trust me; they love you. They just didn’t want to ruin your career right as it was taking off.”
“Seems that everyone thinks I care more about this shit career than the actual people in my life,” he huffed. “Isn’t that why you broke up with me, after all? Because of my job?”
I hesitated to answer. I saw the pained expression in his eyes and the way he was dealing with so many unanswered questions. I wanted to pour out the truth. I wanted to tell him about Charlie and the threats he’d made against me. I wanted to tell him about the struggles I’d been going through with not being able to be with him. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, that I missed him, that I’d worried about him every single day since we’d gone our separate ways.
But nothing had changed. Charlie was still a threat to me, to Rosie, and to Ian’s family’s ranch, and I couldn’t imagine putting more pressure and pain onto Grams and Big Paw, seeing as how they were going through so much already. The last thing they needed was Charlie coming around and destroying everything they’d spent their whole lives building.
“It’s not that easy, Ian,” I said.
He walked over to the couch and sat down. “It seemed that easy when you pushed me away.”
“I know.” I dropped my head and sat next to him. “I know it doesn’t make any sense, seeing as how everything seemed good between us. I know I probably confused you and the breakup came out of left field. I wish I could explain it to you.”
He tilted his head in my direction with the most sincere look. “Explain it, then.”
I parted my lips, but my throat dried up. I didn’t know what to say, what to do, or how to react. He must’ve been able to tell, because he took my hands into his and slightly squeezed. “Do you still love me?” he whispered like a gentle breeze passing across my heart.
“Yes,” I said, knowing I was completely unable to lie to him about that one thing.
“Then why aren’t we together?”
“Because we can’t be.”
“And why’s that?”
I swallowed hard and looked down at our hands, linked ever so perfectly. “Because I’ll hurt you.”
“Nothing you could do could ever hurt me to the point of no return, Haze.”
I nodded. “Yes, but it wouldn’t just hurt you; it would hurt your family and mine. It ...” I shut my eyes and took a deep inhale.
He pulled me into him and placed his lips near my ear and spoke softly. “What are you so afraid of?”
“Losing everything.”
“I’ve been there. I know that fear. I’m living it right now, and that’s why I can’t lose you too, Hazel. My whole life has been about building a wall to keep people away. I worked hard to keep people at a distance, and you had the nerve to break me down. To teach me what love is. So please,” he begged, his breaths hot against my skin, sending a wave of energy to the pit of my stomach. “Stay with me.”
I felt his tears falling against my skin, and I was certain he felt mine against his. I began crying harder as I held on to his shirt. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I kept repeating.
“What’s hurting you, Haze?” he asked so softly. “What’s doing this to you?” He wrapped his grip around me and pulled me in tighter. “It’s okay. I got you. I got you.”
I hated that I’d begun falling apart when he was the one who should’ve been broken after finding out the news about Holly. Yet there I was, holding on to him and crying as if he were nothing more than a dream and if I let him go, he’d slip away.
He held on to me as long as he could, until reality set in that I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t hold him close to me. If Charlie found out ...
I pulled away. I sniffled and brushed my hands against my eyes. “I should really go check on Rosie.”
He looked so perplexed by me pulling away, but he stood to his feet and gave me a nod. “Of course.”
“I am really sorry, Ian ... about Holly.”
