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I made a mistake. I ordered Kayne to leave, I told him I was his queen. I stupidly thought I could talk to Lars. If he threatened to lay charges against Kayne I had hoped I could talk him out of it.
But I sent Kayne away. Now consequences are waiting for me. I’m not afraid to take whatever he gives me. I’m afraid he’ll end up touching me but not fully releasing himself to me. I don’t think I can take another rejection from him. Not without knowing why he feels the need to stop himself.
But then when Lars spewed his arrogant words from his mouth, demanding an apology from a man like Kayne Langley? Just no. Kayne doesn’t apologize to anyone. And I would never put him in a situation like that. I would rather die.
The knock on the door of my office startles me. My first reaction is to wipe my tears. I’m a queen. I can’t be seen as an emotional weak wreck. But my face is cold. My tears had dried up a while ago already.
“Enter,” I say. Igor walks in. It’s late and he should be home with his family. There are other bodyguards who work this shift.
“Your Highness. Forgive my boldness,” he says but he’s smiling. He places a bottle of whiskey on my desk and a crystal glass. I’ve known Igor since I was a little princess. He’s almost always been with me.
“Every queen deserves to keep a stash in her drawer for days like this.”
He pours the golden liquid into the glass for me. I’m not a drinker. I hesitate.
“I think you’re going to need it.”
He knows.
I take it all in one gulp and barely stop myself from gagging it all up again. It quickly spreads through my body like a warm hug from the inside.
“Allow me to speak freely, Your Highness, while it’s usually Your Highness who is ordering me to take her to Kayne,I think in this instance, Your Highness should go to him now. You’ve kept him waiting long enough.”
In between my turmoil, a blush creeps up over my cheeks. Igor knows. He knows the type of man Kayne is. He knew exactly where to find Kayne when I needed him most. That secret establishment where Kayne took my submission and my heart with it.
“I’m failing, Igor. I’m failing at being a damn queen. I just threatened an official of a country we need on our side but I don’t regret it at all. I told him my husband won’t be apologizing to him ever and that if he didn’t drop this, no one would find his body because he doesn’t know what Kayne is capable of. I’m a queen, and I said that.”
“If I may say, it was the right thing to do, Your Highness. Lindberg deserved it.”
“I know. But I’m… I’m failing so horribly at being his…wife, Igor. He’s… different since Roger Thompson. He doesn’t… I can’t reach him. I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“For a start go to him. The longer Your Highness makes him wait…”
“It’s not because I’m being a coward…”
“You are as far from a coward as any single person I know, Your Highness.”
I nod, biting my lip. Igor bows to me and then leaves.
I use the bathroom in my office to freshen up. My makeup is still in place despite my tears. My eyes are puffy but there’s nothing I can do about that.
I remove my panties and put them in my jacket pocket. They’ve been ruined since this morning when Kayne smiled at me. I take more time to wipe myself down. I know Kayne won’t give me the luxury of a shower first. That would be part of his retribution.
I insist I’m not being a coward but I am.
I’m afraid to face my punishment.
I’m afraid to feel Kayne’s delicious torment on my body as he teaches me again who I belong to. Who I answer to. Who’s in charge. Who’s the master of my soul.
It’s Kayne. It will always only be Kayne.
But I’m afraid because he’ll deliver his punishment on me without the aftercare I need. He’ll take me in his arms. He’ll soothe away the hurt once he’s done with me.
But that’s not the only thing I need. I want him to make love to me. I want him to look at me when he loses control of his body and fills me up with his pleasure. I need that.
Without it, I’m fighting a man who has restricted himself when it comes to me. He’s isolated himself from me. He turns cold and angry when he gets to that point.
The longer he stops himself, the wider the division between us gets. It’s one physical act that’s inexorably tied up to everything between us. It’s our make or break.
