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Thank God.
I lift it all the way open and climb in, quickly sliding my coat and boots off.
Standing in front of me, she looks me up and down, hands on her hips and a scowl on her face.
“What are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“All right then, talk.”
I inhale deeply. She’s not pushing me out the window. But I need her to do more than tolerate my presence. “Are you going to listen this time?”
Her brow immediately furrows. “Well, earlier I listened to you tell me you love me, then you almost had sex with me before deciding you didn’t want me. I didn’t think there was much more to say.”
I clench and release my hand.
“No. I keep telling you, it’s not about not wanting you. I know I was impulsive. Which is why I tried to apologize and talk to you, but you ran away. The last thing I wanted was to push you away. I love you.” I stop and exhale forcefully. “Do you think I would ever want to hurt you like that? This year has been absolute shit. Trying to figure out my future, this crap with my hand, maybe losing baseball, how complicated things have been with us—the last thing I want is to lose you.”
She softens for a second as she takes me in. Then she straightens again and that steely gaze returns.
“Then why didn’t you talk to me about it? Not even about being in love, but what you were feeling, baseball, any of it?”
I stare at her for a moment. How could I talk to someone who was shutting me out? “Why didn’tItalk to you? Welcome to my world. I know you went through hell, but it took youmonthsto let me in. Every time I wanted to talk to you about something, you were shutting me out. And besides all that, how long did you have feelings for me and not say anything? How much did you flirt with me while I had a girlfriend and not say anything? Hell, you knew you wanted this before I even went out with Caity and you’re pissed thatIdidn’t say something?”
Her eyes fill with fire. Fighting like this isn’t what I wanted when I came over here, but maybe we need to get it all out first. Miles is right. Our communication sucks.
“Seriously? You have got to be kidding me! Why didn’t I say something? Screw you! I wasgoingto say something. Especially since at homecoming you told me you were glad you were ending the night with me. But then you swaggered up onto my porch and told me you were going out with someone else.”
“I wouldn’t have if I’d known you were ready.”
“Bull-fucking-shit. Youdidknow. Your eyes were begging, looking for me to tell you any reason not to go. How do you think that felt for me? To know you wanted me, but you weren’t willing to talk to me about it?”
She tosses a hand through her hair and paces back and forth a few steps.
“I mean, how would you have felt? What if I had wandered up onto your porch and looked at you like I desperately wanted you, while telling you I was going out with someone else? Would you have been jumping to tell me how you felt? I get that you’re scared. I am too, but don’t you dare try to blame me. Besides, you’re the one who started it all!”
“What?”
“You gave me that whole speech the night I broke up with Davey.We’re gonna have it, Rae.Then you kissed me on the hood of your truck and then poof. Nothing.”
“I was going to talk to you at the party, but then—”
“Don’t you dare use that as an excuse!”
“An excuse? Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to push you, knowing how badly you were hurting!”
“So you couldn’t be bothered to wait? Instead, you went out with someone else?”
Is that seriously what she thinks? That I wasn’t waiting for her? Does she even know me?
I shake my head. “No. I truly thought you weren’t ready.” She rolls her eyes and she has every reason to. I’m not saying the truth. Letting out a sigh, I say, “And I was scared. Scared to push you if you weren’t ready. Scared to lose you.”
She lets out a long exhale, and though it’s still tense, I’m hoping we’re getting somewhere. “There have been so many moments when I wish one of us would’ve made a move. I know this is scary as hell, but you don’t get to be mad at me for not making the first move when every time you made a move, you followed it up by making me think you didn’t mean it!”
My eyes widen.Or maybe we’re going around in circles.“How could you possibly think I didn’t mean it?”
“Because every time you kissed me or made a move, you ran away. You didn’t talk to me. God! You want to know why I didn’t say anything? Because of this, right here. I was afraid of you crushing me. No one else in the world could have the power to destroy me like you, because no one else could ever make me feel like you do. I think I’ve known since the first time you ever took my hand.” Tears pour from her eyes, and I step toward her. I hate this. “I love you. And it’s the scariest thing in the world.”
