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I’m still feeling off, but knowing I’m doing something to take care of myself feels good.
I’m feeling relaxed and optimistic when I stroll back down my driveway an hour and a half later. It was a great meeting. Not only will I be volunteering with them, but the director was kind and understanding, and also gave me information about a support group that meets on Tuesdays, just down the road from my house. It’s run by two women who are sexual assault survivors, and the director highly recommended it. Even though it’s nerve-racking, I want to go this week.
Once at the deck stairs, I put the combination in and pull the gate open. I take one step onto the stairs, then look up and see Aaron sitting there, head down, hands folded in front of him.
“Hey,” I say, as I shut the gate behind me.
He snaps his head up. He looks awful. Like he hasn’t slept or maybe even has been crying.
I hurry up the stairs to him.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“What?” He looks around and down at himself. “Oh, yeah. I’m fine. But are you? Are you okay, Rae? You texted me and then wouldn’t answer my calls or texts.”
I move past him, headed for the window.
“Yeah, I went to Sarah’s room to watch a movie and left my phone.”
He narrows his eyes at me.
“Well, I was worried. So, I talked to Joel, who had heard from Matt about what happened at the end of your date. That made me even more worried. I stopped by last night, but you didn’t answer.”
“I passed out in Sarah’s room,” I say, reaching for the window.
I slide in my window, then turn to face him as he does the same and stands up next to me.
“So, that is what happened then? With Matt?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I sigh, “that’s what happened. Thankfully, I talked to him and at least I didn’t traumatize him.”
“I don’t give a shit about him. I care about you. That’s why you texted me, right?”
Why is he acting angry with me? I know I didn’t text him back, but I’m the one who is dealing with all this shit, not him.
“What do you want me to say, Aaron? That when his lips came toward my face, all I could see was Mike Thomas? That’s what happened. That’s how I felt. I came here. I cried hysterically in Sarah’s arms. I told her everything. How you promised to talk through things with me. She suggested I come talk to you—and I wanted to. But when I got to your back gate, I saw you and Caity kissing and walking inside. I wasn’t gonna barge in, so I texted you. You said you were busy. I get it. It’s fine,” I say, walking toward my closet, because there’s not really anywhere else to go.
He grabs my arm and spins me back to face him.
“It’s not fine. You were hurting, and I wasn’t there for you.”
“It’s not your job to take care of me, Aaron.”
I say it softly. I’m not mad. Maybe a tiny bit hurt, but we can’t keep playing this game forever. Joel said it last year. We have to decide whether we’re going to be friends or more. And if we aren’t going to be something more, then our friendship has to change. Right now, we’re not anything more than friends, so I can’t expect him to pick up the pieces every time I break.
“Yes it is,” he insists.
“No, it’s not. You have a girlfriend now. Things are different.”
“No, they’re not. Beautiful—”
“I don’t think you should call me that anymore,” I say.
He stares at me, looking both hurt and offended.
“Why not?”
“Because I doubt it would make Caity feel good if she heard you call me that. I’m not your priority anymore. I can’t be, and it’s okay.”
