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“Hey,” Amanda says cheerfully, walking into Joel’s kitchen. Almost everyone else is outside, digging into their sandwiches.
“Hey, what’s up?”
She sighs and looks down. “I wanted to apologize to you.”
I turn and cock an eyebrow at her. “For what?”
She shrugs. “I haven’t tried as hard as I should’ve to get to know you. You kinda reminded me of my one brother, and I wrote you off as a jackass for how things went with you and Rae. That wasn’t fair. I didn’t understand you guys. I didn’t get your history. I do now. Obviously, I’ve seen you be a great guy over these last few months. But sometimes I thought Rae talked up your friendship or your closeness. I realize now that she didn’t.”
I stare at her, completely confused. Not really surprised. It didn’t bother me that she didn’t try to get to know me. It’s not like Tommy made an effort to know the girls individually. Granted, he didn’t completely meld into the group like Amanda did. Still, I never expected that much from her starting out. I figured a closeness would grow in time if it was meant to.
“Okay… you don’t have to apologize, though. You met us all in the midst of our first year of college. None of us have been at our best. And you didn’t know Rae and me growing up. I wouldn’t expect you to understand our relationship. Hell, we’re still figuring it out and we’re living it.” I tilt my head as I look at her. “Did something change recently…?”
She swallows, eyes serious, and says, “Rae told me about being sexually assaulted. How you found her and beat the guy up. How you ended up hurting your hand. I know that’s just one moment. And, sure, you’d probably all do anything for each other. But I could see it in her eyes when she talked about it. How much that day haunts her. Not just for herself, but for you, too.”
I blink as I take it all in. I lean against the counter. The cold granite finds the skin between my shirt and shorts and almost makes me jump. That day is intricately woven into my and Rae’s history. We’ve been through so much together.
I’ve got to get my head on straight when it comes to her. I know I want us to be together, but I need to make sure I’m ready for the inevitable hard moments like that. Life is messy. There’s no such thing as a happily ever after. Hopefully, you find the right person to spend your life with, the right people to have your back, and the place you fit in the world. Those are the things that keep you going when the storms roll through.
“Thanks, Mands. I appreciate that. Now, go eat your sandwich. I promise you, they’re delicious.”
She smiles and salutes me. “You got it.”
We’re all sitting around the fire ring, waiting for it to get dark enough for a nice fire, when I hear Joel’s back door shut. A minute later, Jesse appears.
“Tell me you brought me back a sandwich,” Jesse says to Joel.
“You go to school up there, you can have one any time.”
“But it would’ve been just the thing to help heal my broken heart,” Jesse dramatizes. Though I do feel bad for him. It must suck for Carrie to have gone back to her ex.
Joel rolls his eyes. “Fridge.”
“You’re the best, little brother.” Jesse leans down and makes a kissing face at him.
Joel shoves him away, laughing. “Get out of here.”
Jesse puts his hands up. “Fine, fine.” Then he makes his way around the fire ring and plops down next to Rae.
“When’d you get back?” Sarah asks him.
“Last night. Got tired of Jared and his crap. Way more annoying than a newborn baby.”
Rae rolls her eyes and shakes her head.
“Should’ve come with us today,” Miles says.
Jesse laughs. “Please, I’m up there all the time for school. All the baseball stuff has become touristy to me. Besides, I had plenty of fun here hanging out with Rae Rae.”
“He just had to interrupt my day of peace,” she says with a smirk.
Jealousy courses through my veins. Things are rough between Rae and me? Enter Jesse. Every fucking time. Makes sense why she didn’t respond to my texts earlier. She was probably too busy hanging out with him.Or more.
After what happened on our anniversary… would she actually hook up with him? Given where they’re both at emotionally?
Then again, if I’d been fully honest with her that night, I might not be sitting here thinking this.
Sometimes life pulls you apart so it can make you strong enough to be together.
