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That was convincing.
He steps back, scrutinizing me. “No, you’re not. I know I didn’t push you to talk enough or show you I was there for you before, but I’m right here now. What’s going on?”
I can’t tell him this.
No matter how upset I am, he’d be livid with Jesse, and I doubt Rae wants anyone else knowing.
“Just a bad day. I’m not spiraling, just in a bad mood. Being here helps. I promise.”
After staring at me for a moment, he nods.
I turn at the sound of a ball landing crisply in the catcher’s mitt.
I cock an eyebrow at Joel, who smiles as he watches Jamie. “He got here early, and he’s been on fire.”
Good,I think.At least one of us has gotten their head on straight.
As we walk across the field, my stomach twists into knots.
I should talk to her tonight. I have no idea what I’m going to say—what I want to say—but I still need to say something.
Rae
“Rae? Is that you?”
I look into the guidance office where the lead counselor is waiting. Despite school being out, she works shortened hours in the summer to be available for students in summer school classes. Thursday mornings, I still stop by for an hour so that any students—in summer school or not—can stop in and talk to me. We’ve tried to get word out about the outreach program as much as possible so students will feel comfortable coming here, or at least know it’s an option, but I haven’t had anyone in two weeks.
“It’s me,” I say, sticking my head into the office where a girl is sitting across the desk from her.
The guidance counselor, Ms. Talpin, gestures for me to sit.
“Rae, this is Lyndsey. Lyndsey, this is Rae. Rae works for Hope and Healing.”
Lyndsey turns to face me, tears streaming down her cheeks. My stomach twists, but I force it away, focusing on her as she tells me how she was sexually assaulted at a party. Her best friend knows, and she told her father, who called her a whore. My heart breaks for her, but this is where I come in.
We talk for a while, and I give her some resources, my phone number, and the phone numbers of Michelle and Renée, who run the local support group.
After making plans to meet up this weekend and figure out what the next steps might be for her, I head out to my car, unable to stop myself from glancing at the baseball fields.
I’ve been staring too long when Aaron turns in my direction. Even from far away, I know the exact moment his eyes land on me. Unable to deal with it, I scurry into my car, put onReputationby Taylor Swift, and get lost in the music as I drive to my first day of nannying.
Nothing like six wild kids to take your mind off your own life for the day. Thank God.
Bringing the mug to my lips, I take a deep inhale of the hot cocoa inside as I sit on the outdoor lounge bed on the back deck, watching the sunset.
It’s been a long day. Talk about emotional whiplash. From everything that happened this morning, to meeting Lyndsey and hearing her story, to the pure exhaustion of taking care of kids all day, I’m beat—both physically and emotionally.
After dinner with my parents and Sarah, I took a long shower, and now I’m trying to find some peace. It’s hard, though. I still feel awful about what happened. I tried to text Jesse but couldn’t. I tried to sit down and write something to Aaron, but I ended up scribbling it all out multiple times. Now, here I am. It’s not quite as peaceful as the ocean at sunrise, but it’ll do.
But peace never lasts.
The gate opens and closes, and I shut my eyes.
I know it’s Aaron, and I still don’t know what to say to him.
He stops halfway across the deck.
“Hi.”
