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I flash my eyes open and glance at him. “Hi,” I muster. “You can sit. If you want.”
He nods and walks over, sitting down next to me, but leaving space between us.
“Aaron, I—”
“Did you sleep with him?”
Barely able to meet his gaze, I nod before looking down again.
For a few moments, neither of us says anything.
“I need you to know it didn’t mean anything. It could never mean anything. It just happ—”
“No. I told you I wasn’t ready. It’s okay,” he says, though he sounds anything but.
“It’s not okay,” I say, voice breaking. “I told you I loved you. I told you I wanted to be with you. I meant it. I… mean it. Then I did something stupid. I’ve been where you are. And I know how much it hurts. I’m sorry.”
Tears stream down my cheeks as I attempt to keep myself from breaking.
He clears his throat, looking out at the darkening sky. “And I’ve been where you are. I know how muchthathurts.”
“You’re being too nice to me,” I mutter, remembering how I yelled at him after he slept with that girl.
Heart aching, I turn away from him.
But then his hand comes to my upper arm, and he pulls me back to face him, tears in his eyes too.
“No. I’m not. Yes, it hurts. Seeing him this morning…” he trails off, his fist clenching for a moment before he releases it and sighs. “Of course it hurts. But the fact is, we aren’t together. Neither of us did anything wrong. Yes, we both made choices we wish we wouldn’t have, but if we ever want to move forward, we need to forgive each other… and ourselves.”
“I forgave you a long time ago,” I whisper.
He sniffs, looking off in the distance, before turning back at me.
“Just like I forgive you.”
He reaches over and brushes a tear off my cheek as our eyes meet in a gaze saturated with emotions.
“And forgiving yourself?” I ask.
His lips pull into a flat line.
“I’m working on it.”
God, my heart hurts that he still hurts over the mistake he made. It doesn’t feel good for me to remember, but I’ve let that go. I want him to as well.
“So, where does this leave us?” I ask.
He breathes out heavily. “Right here, I guess.”
“So, same place as always… messy.”
Seriously, falling in love with your best friend? I’m not sure I can recommend it. Fall in love with a friend you only sort of like. That way if it goes bad, you won’t end up like this.
Then again, I wouldn’t love him like this if we weren’t so close. It wouldn’t be worth fighting for.
I guess the jury’s still out on this whole falling for your best friend thing.
“Well, you are drinking a salted caramel mocha, right?”
