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And that’s it. I’m done. I can’t keep it in anymore.

She crosses the room to me in a flash and wraps her arms around me. My chest shudders and heaves as I finally allow myself to break into the pieces I’ve been trying to hold together for months.

Rae

Everything feels surreal. This can’t be happening. After everything we went through to be together. We’re broken up? But he asked me not to give up? Should I have pushed more?

I don’t know.

I don’t know anything. Because I’m a mess. I’m a dumpster fire kind of mess.

Which makes sense, because I feel like hot garbage right now.

Sarah and Mackie were waiting at the door when Miles dropped me off. They tucked me in on the couch, put onThe Princess Bride, and fed me ice cream and brownies. They let me sob, wiped my tears, and comforted me. Basically, they’re the best friends I could’ve possibly asked for. Even Lila came out and talked with us for a few minutes and told me she was sorry to hear about what happened. Then she went back and hid in her room.

Now I’m doing the same.

Sarah and Mackie reluctantly agreed to leave me here alone while they went and got tons of food for dinner.

I’m lying on my bed with the covers pulled up over my head, staring at a text from Joel that simply says, “I love you.”

Ugh. I hate this.And the person I want the most is the one I can’t have. It wasn’t supposed to go like this. We were supposed to get it right.

I grab my phone and dial my mom.

“Hey, baby.”

“Hi, Momma.”

I hear the suspicion in her voice. “What’s going on?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Always.”

“Was it always easy for you and Dad? Like, did you ever have a big fight or I don’t know… what was it like for you?”

“Well, your dad was a little rough around the edges when I first met him. It took a little while for him to let me try to smooth them down. But his love for me was always… strong. He’s a lot like you. Determined. Strong. A tendency toward getting lost in his own head.” I smile at that. “Walking away from his family and everything that came with that was probably the biggest challenge. He was in a dark place for a little while.”

“But he got through it.”

“Well, of course. Your grandpa helped a lot. And Gram, too. They both gave him lots of love. And I learned how to deal with that pain inside of him and help him through it.”

My heart catches. Because Aaron wouldn’t even let me see his pain, let alone help him through it.

“But you guys never broke up or anything?”

“No. Rae, what’s going on?”

“Aaron and I… we… broke up.”

She sighs softly. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“He’s hurting, Mom. But he won’t let me in. He won’t talk to me. It’s… awful. And everything hurts now. I get why people say you can actually die from a broken heart.”

“Oh, my dramatic girl.”

“It’s how it feels,” I sniffle.

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