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“Wonderful. I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good day.”
“Thanks, you too.”
I hang up and take a steadying breath. I’ve worked so hard preparing for even the possibility of this interview. Promise Advocacy does exactly what I want to do: helping girls and women who have been through rape or sexual assault. Hope and Healing back home was an introduction to what this field is like, but Promise isexactlythe type of place I want to work at and hopefully run one day. They even have outreach at the college and local high schools. It’s incredible. And competitive. Most people don’t even get interviews because they’re so selective. I’m nervous but I’m also excited because I can’t imagine a better fit for me. I really want this.
That’s exciting all on its own. Wanting something for me. Something that isn’t about my friends or Aaron or my family. This is all about me. It’s about my future. My potential career. I’m trying to taper my expectations because I don’t want to be crushed if I don’t get it, but I’m also letting myself feel empowered. This is something I know I can do. It’s something I know I’d be good at. I hope I get it, and I’m going to do my damnedest to make it happen.
“Who was that?” Amanda asks.
“I’ve got an interview tomorrow for an internship. But, don’t mention it. Only Sarah knows. I love the rest of them, but it’s too much pressure.”
She elbows me. “You’re really excited, huh?”
“Yeah, I am.”
“Well, secret’s safe with me.” She mimes zipping her lips and throwing away the key.
“Thanks, Mands.”
“No problem. You’ll kick ass, by the way.” She smiles at me. “Which is on brand since we’re learning to kick actual ass.” I chuckle at that. Amanda and I signed up for an independent study learning kickboxing and self-defense. “Can’t wait to learn to kick ass like Michael Westen.”
Just another reason we love her. She loves spy shows like the rest of us.
“I’m excited too. Learning how to kick ass and defend ourselves? That’s empowering.”
I don’t tell Amanda the background on why I’d love to know how to defend myself. I mean, it might not have totally saved me from being sexually assaulted, but it would’ve given me a fighting chance. And it might’ve allowed Miles to help me without the boys present. But I’ve also always been interested in learning how to fight because of all the spy stuff I’ve always been obsessed with. I put it on the list I made when Aaron and I broke up. The list of things all about me and what I want. That’s what I’ve decided this new semester is about: doing me.
Well, you know, figuratively. Oh, who am I kidding? Probably literally, too. It’s not like I’m going to begetting anyanytime soon.
Amanda looks at her phone, then back at me. “All right, I’m off to class. See you later!” She smacks my butt and heads down a different path, leaving me laughing as she goes. Definitely glad we added her to the friend group.
Aaron
“You guys wanna go to that party tonight?” Mackie asks as we all eat lunch in the dining hall.
“Ooh, the one at Sigma Chi?” Amanda asks. “They usually have epic parties. And good food and beer too. Not just shitty Bud Light.”
I half smile. I like Amanda. She fits in with the rest of us like she’s always been here and her natural outgoing personality draws the rest of us out. We hermit together too much sometimes. She doesn’t let us. Somehow, in only a couple of weeks, she has us all figured out.
“I am definitely down,” Miles says, his voice indicating he’s looking for his next hook-up.
Joel smacks my chest. “I’m in. A?”
I shrug. “Free drinks? Sure.”
“Rae baby, what do you think? I’ve got a quiz today but nothing for the rest of the week, so I’m thinking it’s a hell yes.” Sarah smiles brightly at her.
Rae’s eyes dart around the table. “I’m not gonna go, but you guys have fun.”
Joel’s brow furrows. “Why? You need to have some fun, Rae Rae.”
She narrows her eyes. “Because I don’t want to go. End of story.”
Sarah looks at her curiously and they have some sort of discussion with their eyes. Then Sarah mutters, “Oh, right.” She clears her throat and says, “Well, that’s fine. If there’s any good beer, I’ll sneak one back.” She winks at Rae, who smiles back at her.
Awesome. Clearly, there’s some reason she doesn’t want to go. I’m doing my best not to think it’s me. It’s pretty hard not to, though, considering that things between us are complete shit. We didn’t talk much the rest of winter break, and despite us having statistics together this semester, we haven’t talked about much more than our hatred of that class, and I have no idea where we stand with each other. I miss her, but I still haven’t figured anything out. It feels like we’re nothing to each other. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but it still sucks. I miss her as my girlfriend, but I miss her as my best friend more.
Her voice cuts through my thoughts. “I gotta go. I’ll see you guys. Kick your ass later, Mands.”
