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And here it comes, the questioning followed by judgment. What did I care? My parents would never meet Leo.
“First off, his name isn’t Lee. It’s Leo. He’s a lifeguard I met the other day at the beach. I don’t know if he goes to church. I don’t know a lot about him, really.”
“Hmm. Well, something about this Leo put a sparkle in your eye. You’re beaming as you think of him.”
Crap, she noticed everything. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”
“Hmm, well, if you say so. Probably for the best anyway. It sounds like you’d be scraping by with him.”
“I knew it! You’re automatically turned off because he’s a lifeguard. Well, I can tell you what he does for a living doesn’t bother me one bit. He made me feel beautiful and special. He looked at me like I was the only person who mattered to him. Nobody has ever done that before.”
Oh, Jesus. My words astounded me. Leo treated me better than any guy I dated before. He kissed me like he couldn’t get enough. Breathed me in like I was oxygen. His large hands caressed my skin and seared his touch on every inch of me. Frick, Iwasenraptured.
“No, Scar. You’re wrong. I might have dreams for my kids, but in the end, it’s your life. Live it the way you want.”
I snorted, shaking my head. “You can’t be serious.”
“Oh, but I am. I’ve made plenty of mistakes with you. I was too hard on you. Controlling. I drove you away from us, and I am so sorry.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like a disappointment. You’re not. Not at all. I love you, Scarlett. No matter what you do for a living or who you fall in love with. All I want is for you to be happy.”
A sob caught in my throat. For most of my life, I felt like the black sheep of our pure, sinless family. I didn’t have the same mindset as my parents. I questioned everything and dug my feet in the ground. I’d honestly believed my parents regretted having me because I was their wild child. Hearing she would love me no matter what overwhelmed me.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. You were our first child, Scarlett. Our practice kid, and we failed miserably.”
“Are you sure an alien didn’t take over your body? You don’t sound at all like my mother.” I wiped away the tears on my cheeks.
“I’m sure, honey. Despite what you may think, your dad and I are not perfect. We mess up quite a bit.”
I laughed. “Sure you do.” And just to test her, because I was a little brat, I said, “I had sex with Leo.”
Her jaw dropped into her lap. “Wow. I’m stunned.”
“And we didn’t use protection.”
“Whoa. This might be one of those mom fails where I should have gotten you on birth control before you left for college.”
“I thought you didn’t believe in it.”
“Are you kidding? If your dad hadn’t gotten a vasectomy after Abby was born, we might have a dozen kids by now. That or we would’ve had to stop having sex. Neither of us would have liked abstaining during my fertile period.”
“Mom! You’re going to make my ears bleed.”
“Oh please, we’re human, Scar. This is one of those areas I should’ve been more open with you. I’ve realized I didn’t really talk to you about life stuff, ya know? I won’t make the same mistake with your sisters.”
“Yeah, I know. It would’ve been good to know all this while I was growing up. My whole life, I saw you guys as puritans about sex. You never had the talk with me. All I knew was I had to be a virgin when I got married, or God would be angry.”
“Oh man, I really messed up with you.” She buried her face in her hands.
“I sort of got tired of waiting for the perfect man to walk into my life and had sex with a stranger.”
“Wait, this Leo guy was your first time?” Her face turned grim. “Not even one of your past boyfriends was your first?”
“Nope. Your words had an impact on me, believe it or not.”
“Gosh, Scar. I just assumed while you were in California, you were sexually active.”
“I lost my virginity just the other day after Erin’s funeral.” I couldn’t believe I was telling my mom this. “Laney and I went swimming as sort of a good-bye. We wanted to do all the things Erin loved. I’d gone underwater and when I came back up, I was hit in the back by a surfboard.”
