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"Do you love him?"
"No."
"That was quick," she said.
"Well, it's true. We're not that far along."
"Does this book make you want to break up with him?"
"Yes, but I'm not going to."
"You're not?"
"No, not until I decide what I'm doing about Isaac."
"Okay, well I told Willow not to mention it to anybody. I know she hasn't because it was her friend who read it. And I'm not going to say anything. So really, the ball's in your court. If you don't go to him, he'll never know who you really are."
"Okay," I said, knowing the decision was mine to make.
"So, what are you going to do?" Sabrina asked.
I laughed. "I don’t know. My head is spinning. At this point, I don't know who really exists, Jill Phillips or Margaret Winterbottom."
"The first one, but it doesn't matter. That's not the point. It's Isaac. He really exists."
"I'm dating my boss's son," I said.
"So?"
"So, I'll be quitting my job to break up with him, basically."
"Are you two that serious?"
"No."
"Then, there's no harm in calling Isaac and feeling it out. You don't have to make any promises or even go out with him. Way I see it, you don't have to go breaking up with your boyfriend quite yet."
"Shouldn't I break up with him, anyway? Isn't this a sign that I'm disinterested?"
"Are you disinterested in your boyfriend now?"
"I haven't thought about him at all today if that's what you mean. I wasn't even thinking about him when he came by and talked to me at the studio. My mind was on this book the whole time."
"Oof."
"Yeah," I said.
"What are you going to do?" she asked.
"I have no idea."
I knew what I was going to do, and I did it as soon as I got off of the phone with Sabrina. I did the thing I had been doing since I was a kid. It was something I made it up back then, and now I still did it.
I wrote my prayers on a piece of paper. I was mature for my age when I was a small child, and I told myself to write my prayers in words since I always got so distracted when I tried to pray.
I had always secretly hoped that one day I'd wake up and look at the sheet of paper to have God's own handwriting inside. I wasn't ever disappointed when it didn't happen, but I had also learned that God was fully capable of surprises. I wholeheartedly believed that I could open it to find a literal answer inside one day.
I hadn't written one of these prayers in a year or two, but I sat down with a piece of paper and a pencil.
