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“You are a force all on your own. So don’t pretend that you love me, don’t pretend that you need me because as ever, you just need yourself. You only want me around. I’m your amusement, something to pass the time away.”
“Argh.” A frustrated growl tears from me as my fists clench, “Are you fucking joking?! How can you think that? My head is a constant mess of words. You undo me. While I didn’t have you in my life, yes, I made a million. Yes, I was a bastard to most people but then you came back into it. It made sense again, it had meaning.” I push from the desk and go over, leaving a little bit of distance between us as I try to swallow. “It meant I had someone to love, someone to take away the loneliness I felt when you weren’t there. You’re like the better part of me. The part that has rational thinking.” I move closer. Her arms tense at her sides, her hands fisting in temper. “I love how you call me out on my shit.” Slowly lifting my hand up, she eyes it cautiously to see where it’s going. I stroke the backs of my fingers down her face gently, so tenderly, her throat works overtime to just to swallow as the pulse in her neck beats manically. “You challenge me. Angel, I’m nothing without you. I mean that from the bottom of my cold heart.”
“How can I believe you, Troy? If I hadn’t have seen that paperwork, would you have ever told me?” I drop my gaze to the floor and sigh, my hand falling from her warm cheek.
“Yes, but I just didn’t know how to. Yet again, it’s your dad haunting me from the grave. Haunting us, having the last say, like he always did.”
“Is this why you wanted to marry me?” I rear back with a scowl forged into my brow, my hand dropping from her face. “Because then you wouldn’t have to tell me, would you?”
“Wha…what? How could you ask me that? I asked you to marry me because I want you to be my wife. I want you to share your life with me. I want a family. I want something that I’ve never had the chance to have, and I don’t want it with anyone else but you.” My heart races as I pour my heart out to her. “I don’t know what I’d do without you now. I don’t want to have to find out.”
“Troy, you can’t just expect me to stand here and take your word for everything and suddenly everything is okay again, that’s not fair.” She drops her head into her hands and blows out a tired sigh. “The money stuff and the business I kind of understand but my business, why? And that’s what I can’t get my head around. I didn’t ask for the money or anything. I just asked for him to use his lawyer, so I didn’t have to find one and he went behind my back, Troy. He went against me and bought into my business and now it’s yours.
Something that I’ve spent years building up, gaining my own clientele, my own contacts, for fucks sake. And why? So, he could keep his control over me.”
“Exactly Emily, his control.” I snap, “Not mine. I don’t want to control you; I may get jealous but that is all. Do you know where I went early this morning?”
She huffs again. “I don’t really give a shit but go on.”
“I went to see Noah. I told him I wanted everything put into your name. The house, everything and to prove to you that I don't want you just for your business, I’m giving you the share that shouldn’t have ever belonged to anyone but you.” I give myself a little breather. “Please let me make this up to you. Please Em, I’m not opposed to begging. I love you so much.”
“I can’t… I can’t hear those words right now.” She growls and whirls away moving to the other side of the room, “I need some distance. I need some time to think.”
“What you mean?” My voice is rough as I ask the most stupid question ever, I know what distance means.
“I’m going back to my own place for a couple of days. I need to sort my head out.” She tells me, glancing at the floor.
“Please Em. I can’t live without you.” I admit, emotion clogging my throat again. “This is your home.”
“But is it? Troy… I just need a little bit of distance to think.” She moves back towards me, her chin wobbling with emotion again. “Surely you can give me that.” She blinks and her tears rush from her eyes. Feeling totally defeated, I hand her keys back to her, closing both of my hands around hers, feeling her one last time. I’ve lost her, I just know it.I lift her closed hands to my lips leaving a light kiss on her fingers.
Lifting my head again, I look into her eyes, “Do you know what I was doing today when you called?”
Lifting her chin slightly, her eyes roll. “What?”
“I was going through documentation and changing the names on everything.”
She doesn’t speak. She doesn’t even look at me again, so I stand back from her and let her gather her thoughts.
Turning my back, I stand in front of the large window in Mitch’s office. I know exactly when she leaves the room, because the feeling I get when she’s near has gone. My heart is broken and there’s only her that can fix me. When I hear her car start, I sink into the desk chair, dropping my face into my hands and let myself cry properly for maybe the third time in my life.
CHAPTERTHIRTY-SIX
EMILY
Waking up curled on the couch, wrapped in a blanket isn’t my most favourite thing, but I couldn’t bear to go to bed alone. I’ve forgotten the last time I did that. Only last night, I was so upset that I couldn’t bring myself to move, so I wrapped the blanket tightly around my body and stayed there. The warmth from the blanket made me think it was Troy’s arms that were around me. I cried until I had no tears left. In fact, I don’t remember stopping to even sleep, I must’ve cried myself to sleep.
I used to love how cosy my house was. It suited me, now I feel like the walls are closing in on me, it feels cold. It's not, of course, it’s me. I feel cold. Cold inside. I feel like there’s a part of me missing. Dragging myself from the couch, I tighten the blanket around my shoulders and go to the kitchen to put the kettle on. Remembering I haven’t been here in weeks, I turn it off and fill it with water first then put it back onto boil. I’ve tried to not think about yesterday at all. In fact, I’d like to erase it from my memory all together, but I know there’s no chance of doing that.
The sound of the kettle boiling fills the room. Troy’s face pops into my head but I can’t think of him right now, if I let him consume my thoughts I’m done for, and I’ll be going over there and making him take me in his arms. I need to be strong.
The kettle clicks off and take a cup out of the cupboard, I spoon some coffee into it and add two sugars. The last time Troy was in this house, we stood right here, in front of this fridge. It was here he asked me to move in with him. A heavy sigh heaves through my chest. I fight off the memories and open the door. It feels like I’m warding off ghosts, only they’re real. Oh, so real.
Filling my cup with water, I stir my coffee, just as I catch the time on the wall. “Fuck!” It’s almost nine. I have to go to the office. I was going to send Kellie a text last night but after everything I decided against it. I was too hurt and too broken to reiterate it again, all in one day.
Threading my fingers through the handles on my cup I take it upstairs with me while I browse through the few clothes that I have hanging in my wardrobe. I guess some of this could work. I slip into the bathroom and quickly wash then clean my teeth and go back to my bedroom, pulling out a pair of black capri trousers and a black blouse - the colour matching my dark mood, and get dressed. Finding a pair of heels to go with my outfit, I scrape my hair up into a ponytail and dab some concealer beneath my eyes to cover the dark circles, sweep some bronzer over my cheeks and add a little mascara. I don’t plan on coming out of my office today, but at least if I do have to, I won’t scare any clients away with my swamp thing re-creation.
Once I’m ready, I step into my shoes and trudge downstairs. My body is heavy, I’m tired and I’m really not in the mood for people but I guess I have to. I grab everything I need and leave for the gallery.
