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Once I was off the phone and able to breathe again, I realized that I had probably just worked it out too much and I was going to be fine. I had overreacted and I was embarrassed that I had called Frank. He was at work, and I’d asked him to come home to check on me, find me by the park and for what, a few pulled muscles? I almost wanted it to be something bad, just so I wouldn’t feel like such an idiot.
That wasn’t meant to be either. I wasn’t getting a break any way that I looked at it. I did get a smile that melted my heart though, and light touches that set my blood to boiling. Frank helped me to his car and took me home, helping me into the pool house.
“Now it is time to get some rest, Amber. Doctor’s orders.”
“I’m sorry I called you freaking out like that. I am not usually like this, really.”
Frank told me that it was okay, and he was still holding me close. He had been so stricken when he’d come to save me, so gallant. If I hadn’t been so utterly humiliated, I would have loved all the attention I was getting. It was hard to not like it, when a man so handsome and capable as Frank paid attention to little old me.
“I know that you are a very calm person. I have given you some of the worst news that a person can hear and you didn’t even bat an eye. It’s okay to not feel right and you did the right thing, stopping when you were pushing yourself.”
“I just want to get back to normal, get back to the way things were before the accident.”
“You will get there; you just need time.”
It felt like that was all I kept hearing. Wait for it, give it time, all of that. I didn’t want to wait anymore. I wanted things now. I think I was not going to take waiting as anything that I was going to be able to do, not with getting better and not with getting with Frank either. He was pulling back every time we got close, and I didn’t know if it was just his words or the thoughts in my head that was making me do it.
I leaned in and looped my arms around his neck, making sure that he wasn’t able to go anywhere. I didn’t think that he didn’t want to kiss me, but he was letting something keep him away and I was sick of waiting. The wreck made me realize that life could be so short, snuffed out in an instant. If that was to happen right now, I would always regret the fact that I didn’t kiss Frank.
When our lips touched, there was a look of shock on his face. He didn’t see it coming. The shock didn’t last long, obviously subsiding quickly when he started to kiss me back. It was intense, and not at all what I’d expected. Frank was always so courteous and professional, but something had broken in him, just like it had broken in me. It was the thing that made it so that I wasn’t going to be able to deny myself anymore.
Frank pulled me close, and I lost my breath when our bodies touched. It was more than I could handle, and the trembling started. The kiss deepened and I whimpered against him. I wanted so much more than just a kiss, but the kiss was all I was going to get.
He pushed back and it took a minute to realize that was what he was doing. I made another whining sound, hating myself for it, but knowing at the same time I wasn’t going to be able to help it. How could I?
“What are you doing?”
“What we both want, Frank. Why did you stop?”
He didn’t answer me, just said that he had to go. He did that a lot, abruptly leaving and I knew why. Heck, I’d done the same thing before, when it had all been too much.
12
Frank
Work was work. I came back to a shitshow, and I wondered how the hospital stayed running while I wasn’t there. I wasn’t supposed to be in the ER with regular patients. I was a surgeon, but at the same time, I needed to get busy and make sure that I didn’t think about all of the lost opportunities that I had left behind at home.
Amber had finally kissed me, really kissed me, and I had lost myself in the moment. It was everything that I wanted, soft lips, warm body, but I hadn’t expected the desire that took over. I’d wanted to inhale her, never let her go, but I had to. She wasn’t to be mine. We weren’t to be together. It was a hard thing to get through my head when I wasn’t used to holding back so much.
I even went to an old friend of mine, one from the hospital. We’d worked together for several years and since my wife died, we’d had sex a time or two. She was going through a divorce at the same time, so it was a situation of convenience. I needed that convenience now, that ability to forget about everything and just be with her. I wouldn’t say that there was love between us, but more of an understanding.
Nurse Jackie smiled when she saw me coming.
“What are you doing up here? You have a patient?”
I disagreed. Sometimes I had a patient that went to ICU, but I liked to stick to lighter duties. I was here for her, and she must have seen it in my face, because the expression on her own face changed.
“Oh, I see. It’s been a while, months even. I thought you had forgotten about me.”
“Impossible.”
“What did you have in mind?”
I didn’t say anything, just looked at her. I had squeezed out time to be here. I needed her now.
She swallowed hard and said that she liked it when I was needy. I didn’t really know what that meant, but I was glad that she didn’t ask me why. She wouldn’t like the answer and I wouldn’t like giving it. Amber was hard on my mind, and I was going to envision her while I fucked Jackie. I didn’t think she would have minded, I’m sure I was someone else in her mind, but that didn’t mean that we had to be that brutally honest about it.
“Now, huh?”
