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Dr. Collins came and saw me when he was in the hospital, which was basically every day, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted to see him more, talk to him, but he was always busy and since the emotional outburst when I could walk, he hadn’t said much else out of the way to me. I wished he would. I didn’t want him to be all business. I wanted the emotional man that had saved my life and made me feel better about everything.
The bright spot in my day, most days, was seeing Alice. She came to see me almost every day and though we didn’t talk all that much, she did tell me that her dad worked in the hospital as a doctor. I was happy that she wasn’t there as a patient. Alice was one of the sweetest kids I had been around, and I hated the idea of her being sick. I’m glad that wasn’t the case.
Most days we watched cartoons, or sometimes I would doze off and she would. Alice was precocious and did ask many questions, which I answered as honestly as possible. She was something else, and I could see a lot of myself in her. I had been a very ‘strong-willed’ child and it had been hard for adults to understand me. It wasn’t hard for me to get it though; Alice wanted her way and was more forceful about it. She went out of her way to get her way, further than others. That’s all. I’d been the same way, still was to some extent.
Alice was just the distraction that I needed. Today, she was sitting in her chair, eating the pudding that I had saved for her. She had it all over her mouth, and I told her where the napkins were.
“You sound like my dad, telling me to act like a proper lady.”
“Is that such a bad thing?”
She made a face and told me that she just wanted to have fun.
“Why can’t you have fun as a proper lady?”
“Well, I have to eat slow and careful, I can’t climb trees, can’t play in mud! I can’t do anything!”
She was upset, obviously, her little chest was heaving, and I could see she was having a rough time of it. I wondered why she was always here and not at home with her mother. Something told me not to pry though. I tried not to, especially when I didn’t know why she was here. There was no telling and I tried not to get too involved. I didn’t want her to stop coming.
“I am sure that your father wants you to be happy. It’s hard to live up to other people’s expectations sometimes, isn’t it?”
She agreed. “That’s why I am here. I don’t want a nanny, so I get rid of them. Daddy thinks that I need one, but I don’t. I can stay here with him and stay out of the way.”
“What are you going to do when I go home? Where are you going to watch cartoons?”
She looked at me all sad. “You are going home?”
“Soon, I am getting all better because my doctor fixed me, so I will have to go home soon. I am going to miss you, Alice.”
She wasn’t happy with my admission that I was leaving. I think she was far more upset than I thought she would be.
“You can’t leave! I was just finally starting to make a friend and I don’t want you to go. You remind me of my mom.”
Now she was really worked up and I told her to come here. I was still having trouble getting up, but she needed a hug.
“It’s going to be okay. You know that, right?”
“No, it’s not! My dad is going to find another stuffy nanny, and I’m never going to see you again.”
I didn’t know that our little chats and time together meant as much to her as they did to me. I was really going to miss her, and I thought about her, when I thought of leaving. I hadn’t been around too many kids since foster care, but before that, I was around them all the time, taking care of them. It had been nice to get back that feeling of having younger siblings. Children were so much more honest than adults, and I’d always liked their simple way of looking at things. Much easier to understand than the complicated way that life turned out after eighteen.
“It’s all going to work out, Alice. Trust me.”
She didn’t believe me, so I smiled bigger. I hoped it did work out, for both of us.
6
Frank
“Why were you in there?”
“In where?”
“Alice, don’t give me that. You know what I’m talking about. Why were you in that room? There is someone in there.”
“I know, it’s okay.”
“It’s not okay, Alice. I have been looking all over for you. Is that where you have been going, into that patient’s room? I thought that you would know that is not okay. These people are trying to get better. They don’t need you going in there and keeping them awake. They need to rest, hon.”
