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J.R. gives me a nod, his expression somewhat apologetic. He doesn’t want to hurt me, but I think he can’t help it. It’s natural to want to cause pain to someone who has caused you so much pain, and he’s protecting his heart, too. I think about that brief moment on the couch, where I thought that maybe the spark between us was being reignited. I think now that maybe that was all in my head. Maybe he has zero interest in trying to work things out with me. I can’t be angry about that, can I? It’s his right.
J.R. crouches down in front of Knox. “I’ll see you in a couple of weeks then?”
Knox smiles at him. “I can’t wait,” she exclaims.
I smile, and I feel a tear escape down my cheek. I wipe it away quickly before anyone notices.
J.R. smiles at her, pushes a strand of her hair behind her ear, and then kisses her cheek. “I love you, Knox Rose.”
I watch Knox’s face light up in a way that I’ve never seen it do before, and she whispers back to him, “I love you, too, Daddy.”
J.R. stands back up to face me. “Drive carefully.”
“Always,” I say, hoping that he doesn’t notice the still-damp trail on my cheek that the rogue tear left behind. J.R. leans into me, kisses my cheek, pauses to look at me again for one very brief second, and then backs away.
I try to hold myself together as I take Knox’s hand to help her into the car. I even avoid glancing at him as I slide into the driver’s seat. I focus on getting the car cranked and then in reverse; but as I back away from our house, I look up at him through the rearview mirror. Our eyes catch for a second. My heart shatters all over again, and I’m not sure how I’m going to make it back home.
All I can think about as I drive away from the island is the way J.R. looked as I left our home—the way he stood there in the driveway, shoulders heavy, hands in his pockets, hair caught by the wind, the way his blue eyes gazed at us as we drove away. I think about how unnatural it felt to leave. We weren’t meant to be apart. We were meant to be together. I’ve known that this entire time, but today, I believe it without even a hint of doubt.
“Did you have fun with your dad this weekend?” I ask Knox as I tuck her back into her own bed.
She smiles widely. “He’s funny. I like him.”
“He is funny, isn’t he?” I smirk. Apart from Kelley, no other human had ever been capable of keeping a smile on my face the way that J.R. had.
“You look sad, Mama.” My sweet child—always observant.
“I’m not sad, love. Maybe I'm just tired.”
She stares at me a little longer, and I know she doesn’t believe me.
“Goodnight, Knox,” I whisper, kissing her cheek.
“Mama?” Her sweet voice travels through the darkness of her room just as I am about to close her bedroom door.
“Yeah?”
“Aunt Kelley says that everything always works out the way it should, and I think that’s true. I was supposed to spend the weekend with Sydney; but Sydney got sick, and I got to meet my dad instead.”
I chuckle quietly while choking back my tears. I feel a fullness in my heart that I can’t quite comprehend.
“It always works out,” I manage to say without a cracked voice. “I love you.”
“Love you too, Mama.”
I close the door and stand there for a moment, breathing a sigh. I force my legs down the hallway to my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I’m broken. Everything is broken. I climb into my bed, pull the covers over my head, and finally release all the tears I had built up over the weekend—well, really, over the last few years.
I knew it was going to be hard. I knew that it might even be impossible, but I had no idea that it would hurt this bad to face J.R. again after all of these years, to watch a new relationship bud between father and daughter, and to find out that I ran out on the most perfect thing in this world. It’s such a hard pill to swallow, and I think I may drown in my own tears beneath these covers.
***
J.R. never breaks a promise. It’s been two weeks since we left him back on the island, and tonight, he’s here to pick up Knox for their special night out. It’s all Knox has talked about all day, and I’m happy that she’s happy. But I’m also nervous at the thought of seeing him again. She looks beautiful with her denim dress and brand-new sandals. Her long hair is silky smooth, and I think she’s even glowing. I don’t forget to tell her that she’s beautiful, and she’s beaming as she bounces toward the door to meet J.R.
“Good evening, Ms. Knox Rose,” he says to her. “These are for you.” He hands her a bouquet of daisies—the same kind he brought to me so many years ago for our first date.
“Oh, wow! No one has ever given me flowers before,” Knox exclaims. “Thank you!”
“That’s so nice, Knox,” I say as she turns to show me her flowers. “Why don’t you go find a vase in the kitchen to put them in?”
