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Chapter 18
Finn sat on the deck in the darkness nursing a beer.
He liked the night. Liked the blackness broken by the scattering of stars, liked how they glittered like jewels against the sky, undimmed by any city lights. And he liked how quiet it was here. How he could hear nothing but the crickets, a distant morepork calling, and the sound of Karl’s claws on the wood as the dog came over and put his head in Finn’s lap, as if Finn needed comforting.
Which was ridiculous, because he didn’t.
He’d come straight from seeing Beth at the gallery to his house, needing to be in solitude and quiet to escape the damn noise in his head.
She was probably going to move out, and he was okay with that. He’d come to some equilibrium of having her in the house, of balancing her and Sheri, and it had worked for the past couple of weeks. But he couldn’t ask her to stay, not after their talk.
He wasn’t sure where that left them with the child, but he’d figure it out.
A heavy, dark feeling coiled in his gut, telling him he was a liar, that he needed her and she needed him, and was he really going to let her walk away?
He ignored it. He’d made his choice. Being alone was easier, less complicated, and it required nothing at all of him emotionally, which was what he’d preferred all along.
No, you don’t, you damn idiot.
The thought irritated him, so he ignored it, scratching Karl behind the ears. The dog’s head whipped up all of a sudden and he turned, looking into the blackness. There was no barking, but abruptly he took off down the driveway.
Finn stared after him, puzzled. Until Chase’s tall figure appeared, striding up the slope, Karl trotting along behind him.
Tension crawled along Finn’s back. Shit. Looked like his brother was in full-blown protector mode.
He got to his feet as Chase stormed up the steps to the house, coming to a stop in front of him, glaring furiously.
“What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing?” Chase demanded straight out. “I have one upset fiancée, one upset daughter, and Beth, who should be upset, trying to make sure my fiancée and daughter are okay.”
That was very Beth, wanting to make sure other people were okay, even when she was the one who should be upset.
And what are you doing? Sitting on your deck having a beer after you flung her love back in her face.
Guilt shifted inside him. He ignored it and the pulsing ache in his chest.
“What do you mean, what am I doing? This is about Beth, I take it?”
“Of course it’s about Beth,” Chase growled. “She came out of the gallery, watched the rest of the movie, and then when Izzy asked her why she looked so pale afterward, she dissolved into tears.”
Finn gripped his beer bottle so tight it was a wonder it didn’t snap in two. “She told me that she was in love with me,” he gritted out. “And I told her that I couldn’t return the feeling. That’s it.”
Chase’s gaze narrowed into thin, sharp slivers of iron. “What goddamn bullshit. Of course you can return the feeling, you dick. You were in love with her the moment she appeared.”
He’s right. That’s why you could never be friends with her. That’s why you had to push her away.
Finn ignored the thought and the raw ache in his chest. “No, I’m not. I wanted her, Chase. That’s it. It was entirely physical, nothing more.”
“Again, I call bullshit. You’ve been running around after her, doing things for her, wanting to support her and marry her, fluffing your fucking nest in preparation for her to sit in it.”
This time anger came to the rescue. “It’s about the kid, Chase,” he growled back. “That’s it. There’s nothing more to it than that, okay?”
“If it were just about the kid, you wouldn’t be sleeping with her every night, which is apparently what you’ve been doing.”
“Yeah, and?” Finn took a step, getting in his brother’s face. “What business is it of yours anyway?”
“It’s my business because I can’t stand seeing my brother finally getting something good happening in his life and then throwing it away for no apparent reason,” Chase shot back. “Beth is an amazing woman. She’s good for you and I think you know that. She’s perfect for you—”
“I don’t care what she is,” Finn interrupted sharply. “Don’t you get it? I loved Sheri. I had the best marriage with Sheri. She was all I ever wanted and now there’s someone else and I…” He stopped, breathing fast and hard, his whole body vibrating with the force of an emotion he didn’t understand. He’d told Beth loving her was a choice and he’d made that choice. He didn’t want to love her. He didn’t.
