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“First thing Monday morning, I’m going to make an appointment with a doctor Isabella knows. She thinks she’ll be able to get me in with him early. Once I have more information, I’m planning on telling my parents. Since I’m sure this is going to bring up a lot of stuff for yours, I’ll leave it to you to decide if, when, and how you want to tell them. The only other thing you need to be aware of is that if for some reason either of our mothers approaches me today and ask me pointblank, I will not lie to them.”
“Okay,” he says softly, his eyes on mine as he gives his head a shake. “You know what? No, that’s not okay. Don’t go stay with Isabella. You shouldn’t have to leave our apartment just because I’ve been an asshole again. If you have to leave every time I fuck up, you might as well just move out. So stay there. If you want Isabella to stay with you, then that’s obviously fine, but don’t leave.”
“What about you?”
He shrugs. “I’ll crash with Maxim for a few days. It’s no big deal.”
“It is a big deal, but okay.” I take a deep breath. “Here’s the thing, though, Vincent. It might not be just for a few days. I honestly don’t know what to do right now, but from where I’m standing, you are exactly where you’ve wanted to be all along. In a bar, surrounded by your good friends, Jim, Johnny, and José. I don’t know if I can be okay with that, and I don’t know if that’s the kind of thing I want to expose this baby to.”
“What are you saying?” he asks after pausing for a beat. “Are you breaking up with me right now?”
“I don’t know,” I reply honestly. “I just… I need to think, so if you’re not prepared to stay somewhere else while I do that, I’m going to Isabella’s.”
“No, stay at home,” he says, sighing before he nods. “I get it, okay? I fucked up royally, but it’s your place too, and I’m the one who fucked up. Therefore, I will find someplace else to stay while you think, but I’m not giving up on you or on us, Olivia.”
“Haven’t you already done that?” I ask, not to cause either of us more pain but because it sure as hell feels like he has.
Aquamarine eyes going wide, he shakes his head. “Never. I love you.”
“I’m not so sure you do.” I back toward the door. “When the parties meet up tonight, please make sure Emma has everything she needs. I won’t be going, and by the time she gets there, she’ll know why. If she doesn’t already. I’m pretty sure Maxim would’ve told her by now, as he should since they have a functional relationship where they communicate. Anyway, the point is she’ll understand why I won’t be staying for the joint part of the evening, but please just help Mia and Isabella keep her happy, okay?”
“What’s going to make her happy is ripping my balls off,” he mumbles, and I shrug.
“Well, if that’s what it takes…” I sigh, closing my eyes and taking a leap of faith. “Look, since you seem to be amenable to talking about the apartment, I’d like to stay there with the baby. It’s already got a home office set up for me, and it’s got an extra bedroom for the nursery. Finding that kind of space on one level in this city is hard. I know your name is on the le—”
“Are you kicking me out?”
I shake my head. “I’m simply being practical. We don’t need to make any decisions right now, but that’s what I want.”
“Okay, but it seems you’ve already made all these decisions. Have you really thought about all this just this morning?”
“No, I told you I’ve suspected for a few days, so I’ve taken that time to think it through. Unlike you, I haven’t been drowning my sorrows and practically throwing away everything I’ve been working for with both hands.”
He flinches a little at that before he rises to his full height and shows me his hands to make sure I know he’s not going to try to touch me again. “I know I fucked up. I do, okay? I fucked up big time, but I will make it up to you. You only found out for sure this morning, and I’ve already missed that moment—the moment you realized you’re becoming a mother—and I’m never going to forgive myself for that. I don’t want to miss anything else. Please just tell me you’ll let me try to make it up to you.”
“I don’t know if I can do that right now.” As much as I hate saying it, and I really do, it’s the complete truth. “You let me down, Vincent. Badly, and I just… It’s not even about forgiving you for not being there. I just don’t know how to be with someone that I can’t trust. I really needed you, and to be honest, I still do. But I really thought you would show up, and you didn’t. If I’m going to do this, I’d rather do it alone than with someone I can’t depend on.”
“If you still need me, then let me be there,” he says quietly, not quite pleading, but it’s close. It’s weird, really, to see Vincent Moore so close to begging.
In a lot of ways, he still looks exactly the same. The slightly messy dark-blond hair and those electric eyes. The gorgeous face that would-be actors, models, and superheroes alike would weep to have. The strong, tall build and the quiet confidence. It’s all still there.
Really, the only thing that’s changed is there’s a bit of scruff on his jaw and I can look inside him now. When I look at him, I don’t only see the beautiful bastard I used to. I see his big heart and his struggles, his well-hidden insecurities, and his true desire to be better. Honestly, I even see how sorry he is.
Unfortunately, being sorry doesn’t change things. Right now, I don’t know what will. All I know is that I need space, time, and a few tubs of ice cream. I also know that both of us need to get back.
“I want to say yes. I want to tell you that I know how to let you be there, but I don’t. It should go without saying that no matter what happens between us, I’ll never keep the baby from you, but I’m saying it anyway. Obviously, I should also tell you that I’m having the baby.”
All the color drains from his face, and he swallows hard. “I didn’t think for even one second that you wouldn’t, but thanks for telling me. I’m going to make this up to you, Liv. I am. I promise. I’m going to make it up to you, and I’m going to raise this baby with you. It might take a while to get my head wrapped around it, but I’ll get there.”
“I hope you do,” I manage to say past the tears threatening to close my throat. “I hope you do all those things. Frankly, I even wish I could help you, but I can’t because I don’t know how. I don’t know what I need from you myself right now.”
“But you’re not breaking up with me?” he asks, a tentative smile ghosting across his lips. “I’ll figure everything else out. Just give me the chance to.”
“I still don’t know that either, so I guess I’m not, but Iamgoing to go now.” As I walk past Maxim once I leave the room without another look back at Vincent, I pause to tell him, “I’m truly sorry this had to happen today. I hope you can still enjoy your party.”
He gives a soft, gentle smile. “It’s fine. Not your fault at all. Emma’s waiting for you. I told her, but I’m assuming you guessed as much.”
“I did.” I breathe in deeply. “I won’t be seeing you again today, but have fun, okay?”
