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I startmy day texting Peter that I’m meeting with Lydia for lunch, giving him the restaurant. There’s no response before I take a shower. I shrug it off.
When I’m out of the shower I find a text from Milos letting me know he’s signed off on the purchase of the property. I’ll meet with a contractor today at two thirty. My heart soars then plummets when he tells me to behave with the contractor. Like I was really going to flirt with another man? Whatever.
I respond with fine and flip off my phone. Asshole.
Even though I leave early, traffic is awful so I run a little late for lunch. I give my name to the hostess and she shows me into the back of the restaurant. Lydia is waiting but so are Christy and Regina Sabatini. I’d met Christy only briefly and saw Regina’s picture in the paper when her father Johnny died. Christy is married to Tony and Regina to Dominic, and although I’m embarrassed to talk to them, I know why Lydia invited them and am grateful.
They stand when I get close. “I’m sorry, traffic,” I apologize.
Christy is heavily pregnant, her hug is to the side of her body. “No worries.”
“This is Regina, Regina, this is Celia,” Christy introduces us.
Regina wraps her arms around me, giving me a tight hug. “We heard you were having…” She pulls away to look down at me. “I guess we’ll call it issues with Milos. Lydia thought Christy and I could provide some insight.”
“Thank you.” I don’t understand why I’m tearful.
Rubbing my arm, Regina shakes her head. “Hey, it’s okay. Believe me when I say we both get where you’re coming from.”
I’m pressed down into my seat. We all order quickly then the moment the waitress is gone, Christy nods. “I was there with Tony and Regina was definitely there with Dominic. It can get better.”
I sigh. “Tony adores you. He genuinely loves you. Milos is different. I don’t think he knows how to love. It, like, wouldn’t compute for him. He told me yesterday.” I look to Lydia. “I tried talking to him about limits and stuff and he said he wants to make a marriage based on mutual respect and how much he wants to fuck me.”
Regina giggles. “My beautiful husbandthoughtbasically the same thing. Yes, they are master manipulators, always trying to be two steps ahead, but when it comes to women—these are basic men. If he didn’t want you, that would be the problem. Use it against him. The more you struggle the more he sees it as a fight he has to win. No matter how much he wants you, there is something in these men.” She rolls her eyes. “They can’t back down from a confrontation, and theyhaveto come out on top.”
“I shouldn’t have gone there with the daddy dom thing. I was joking. Like I said, it’s how me and my husband are. It got you all in your head and made it worse. I’m sorry.” Lydia shakes her head.
“Milos did get freaked out when I told him. I have never seen him speechless. It would have been funny if I didn’t want to hit him,” I admit. “He basically said what you did—that it’s a control issue. The asshole said he spanks me because I like it and I don’t listen to him. Buthedoesn’t listen to me. It’s not fair. Do I ever get to win?”
“Never, if you go toe to toe.” Christy tilts her head to study me. “It’s as Regina said. If you go up against him, his instinct won’t allow him to let you win. Yes, Tony loves me. He admitted he did from the very beginning, but he couldn’t let go of trying to be in control. He couldn’t go against who he is and tried to control me and his world. You are going to have to bring it down to a simmer, or you’re going to get burned if you keep fighting him.”
An ache builds at their words. It feels wrong to let Milos win—to give into him without a fight.
“Tony, ever the master manipulator, had a hand in getting me and Dominic together. When everything was going to hell, he came to me. He said their world was a hard one; he wanted softness and light to the darkness for Dominic, and he asked me to be that for him. When I finally gave in and stopped fighting him, everything shifted. Dominic wasn’t quite as bossy—outside of the bedroom.”
She sighs dreamily. “It made me happier. When I was happier without even realizing it, I was doing what Tony asked—being soft, and Dominic said once that I was glowing and bright in his world and he couldn’t get enough. I know it’s hard when you aren’t feeling it, but be softer—his light in the darkness they live in.”
“I’ll be honest. When I first met him, I accepted the whole polished, civilized thing he had going. I mean I knew who and what he was, but he seemed nice enough. Then something happened in him last year…he scares me. Even though I think Tony has killed more people than Milos, it feels like Milos is more accepting of the darkness than Tony is.” Christy shivers.
“Last year?” I wonder what happened.
Forehead wrinkled, Christy nods. “Right before Christmas Dominic mentioned to Tony that Milos kind of lost it. Then he came to a thing Dominic had at the club and he was just…empty. Ever since, even with the smiles, I can’t shake seeing him the way he really is. But maybe you can fill him up, give him the happiness it’s clear he needs.”
Right before Christmas…when I went to him. Was it? No. It couldn’t be because three weeks later he took Anna Kovelanko to a party and she was at his side ever since, despite his rule of no one woman more than twice.
I’m glad when the waitress comes back with our food. Even though I was grateful for their advice I hated the way they talked of Milos. I have no doubt if anyone, man or woman, called him in the middle of the night he’d be there for them the same way he was for me. Tony said it himself, Milos took on the motto of no better friend, no worse enemy. He would hold to his word. I saw the remorse in his eyes when he discussed ending the trafficking, accepting blame for not questioning if it was right. Yes, there was darkness in him, but there was so much light too.
The discussion moves on to the pregnancies of Lydia and Christy. And a frisson of envy I resent runs through me as they talk of how sweet and caring their husbands are during this time. Would Milos be that way?
Midway through I have to use the restroom. I’m pointed further back and around a corner. As I round the corner two men are waiting. The moment I see them, I recognize them for what they are—Feds.
Milos
“Man, you can be such a prick.”Agent Summers shakes his head. The tall blond agent has been on my payroll for almost a decade. He takes his payment and he comes through every time I call him. The man also resents the fuck out of me. I don’t give a shit. I don’t need him to like me, I need him to do what I pay him for.
“What did she say?” I need to know what’s going in her head. Would she run if there weren’t men glued to her side? She might have left with me from Tony Sabatini’s place, but what if she thought she could get away without causing someone’s death?
He doesn’t bother answering, pressing play on a voice recorder.
