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“Yeah, everything’s cool. Cancer’s still gone. Can I come in?”
“Um…” Harmony checked the time on her phone. She didn’t know when Saint would pull up, but she knew she didn’t want Keith there when he did. Saint had shared her website and Amazon page information with his millions of followers. Not only had he purchased a copy of every one of her books, but he’d gone live the night before and read a few chapters with her. Harmony had gotten over a thousand paperback orders and thousands of followers on social media. She cried herself to sleep and woke up crying again. Harmony was so happy about what Saint had done for her that she didn’t want anything ruining her mood before he arrived. “Yeah, but can we make this quick? I have plans.”
With a nod, Keith stepped inside. She looked over his attire and how different it was from Saint’s. The two-piece suit he wore, at one point, was a sign of safety and security to Harmony. She would have chosen a strait-laced, corporate man over a rapper or man from the streets any day. Now, Harmony had learned a valuable lesson—never judge a book by its cover. There were so many layers to Saint, and she was sure she still had so many more to unravel.
They made it to the living room, and Harmony intentionally waited until he sat on one end of the sofa before she sat on the other.
“First, I want to apologize for how I ended things. I didn’t have the courage to say all of that to your face and see the confusion and hurt in your eyes.”
“And anger,” Harmony added, smiling when Keith laughed and nodded.
“And anger.”
“I accept your apology.”
“Good.” Standing, Keith sat next to her and took her hand into his. “I want us to try again, Harmony. I was a damn fool to let you go. You’re the best woman I’ve ever had. Saying we weren’t compatible and exciting was a cop out to me being lazy. Before we moved in together, I put forth effort because it was new, and I wanted to impress you. I got too comfortable, and that’s on me. If you’re willing to give us another chance, I promise to put forth the effort and make sure you don’t regret it.”
Rolling her tongue across her teeth, Harmony pulled her hand out of his. “I think we should keep things as they are.”
“Why?” he asked with a scowl.
“Because I don’t think we should be together. Your sickness made me more devoted to you than I probably would have otherwise been. Between what happened with Jacoba and my nature to be there for those in need, I stayed and tolerated things with you that I never would have if you weren’t battling cancer.”
Just the thought of all those lonely nights and bouts with insecurity because of his lack of performance in bed had her eyes watering. It was easy to tell herself not to take his issues personally, but that was a lot harder to do. Every time he rejected time with her, let weeks go by without even a hug or kiss, Keith shattered a piece of her soul. And with Saint, she was finally getting those pieces back.
“In that moment, I realized you don’t prioritize partnership the way I’d like for my husband to… and that’s something I can’t ignore,” she continued.
“So because I was depressed over my sickness, that makes me a bad husband?”
“No, and please don’t twist my words. You have every right to focus on yourself when you’re going through something like that, but if that’s the case, you should besingle. It isn’t fair to be in a committed relationship and consistently ignore your partner’s needs. Yes, I know marriage vows say in sickness and in health, but we aren’t married yet, and I was more committed to you than you were to me. For six months I poured everything I had into you and got not even the bare minimum in return at times. I don’t want to be with someone who shuts down when they have personal issues. If we can’t tackle them together and still prioritize one another, that’s just not the relationship for me.”
She paused before saying, “Breast cancer runs in Jacoba’s family. Before she died, we watched her mother beat it three times over the years. Each time, she was still present for those who were present for her. Yes, she had bouts of anger, sadness, and depression and moments she needed to be alone, but not once did her husband or Jacoba or her sister ask her for a hug or kiss or time together when she was feeling up to it and she denied them. It’s personal and based on the individual and… I guess… I don’t want to be with an individual who doesn’t consider me. I’m sorry if that sounds selfish, but I’m too good of a woman and partner to have to beg for the bare minimum.”
“Harmony…”
“I shouldn’t have had to beg you to hold me and kiss me, Keith,” she said louder, standing. “To spend time with me when you were feeling better just for you to deny me. If it makes you feel better to play the victim and say I’m selfish and inconsiderate, do that, but you said it yourself that I deserve better, and you’ve proven that you can’t give me that.”
Keith stood as he looked down at her, she avoided his eyes until hers dried.
“I’m sorry if my actions and choices hurt you. I was selfish and not really thinking about how it would affect you. Now that I see, I won’t bother you again.”
Harmony scoffed as he walked out, feeling her anger rise. “How can you say you weren’t thinking about it when I told you? I repeatedly asked to do things with you, always tried to hug you and spend time with you in the house, and you would literally pull away and go in another room. How could you not think that would make me feel like shit?”
Keith sighed and ran his hand down his face. His expression had softened. Eyes watered.
“I’m sorry, aight? Like I said, I wasn’t thinking about how it would affect you.” Harmony chuckled as he continued. “I’m sorry, Harmony. Even if we can’t get back together, can you forgive me?”
“There’s nothing for me to forgive you for. You had every right to be selfish and put yourself first, just like I had the right to accept it or leave. I’m truly glad you broke up with me, because I wouldn’t have left you any time soon. Not while you were still fighting cancer. So, thank you. That was probably the most selfless thing you could have done toward me.”
Keith’s eyes lowered to her hand, and when he noticed she wasn’t wearing her ring, he chuckled and shook his head before leaving. Harmony locked the door and pressed her weight against it, hoping the feeling he’d consumed her with would leave right along with him. When that didn’t work, she decided to throw on some gospel music, light a few incense, and shower, hoping that would lift her spirit before Saint’s arrival.
* * *
“Bae,”Saint called sweetly as Harmony held him tightly. “Can you let me go so I can take my hoodie off real quick? You got it hot as hell in here.”
Unwillingly, Harmony released Saint. He’d arrived minutes earlier, but she hadn’t bothered to release him from the hug he pulled her into, so Saint carried her to the living room and sat down.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, pulling his hoodie over his head.
