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Tristan rubbed her nose and wiped her face before sitting next to him. “Saint,” she called softly, avoiding his eyes. “The chances of me having a healthy delivery are slim to none. On top of me being sixteen weeks pregnant and having syphilis that entire time, I’ve been smoking and drinking like crazy. I haven’t been taking care of myself at all. There’s a chance that I will miscarry, and even if I don’t, the baby might be stillborn or die immediately after birth.”
Saint may not have been looking forward to having a child with Tristan, but at the sound of that, he groaned as his eyes watered. Just seconds ago, he was trying to accept the fact that he might be a father, and now, it felt like that opportunity was being taken away.
“What are you saying, Tristan?”
“I’m saying… I’m going to have an abortion.”
He chuckled with a shake of his head. Taking in a deep breath, Saint tried to calm himself.
“If you planned to kill the baby, why in thefuckwould you come here and tell me?”
“I felt like you needed to know.”
“That you were going to kill a child that can possibly be mine? You should’ve just did it and kept me out of it since it’s clear I don’t have a say in the matter.”
“What say could you possibly have!” she yelled, standing when he did. “You want me to carry this baby full term just to have it die?”
“I need more facts about this shit, Tristan. You can’t tell me there’s no way to save this baby. I know you’re not the only woman that’s had this shit while you were pregnant. There has to be a way to save this baby.”
“Even if there was, I don’t want it.”
“Then give him or her to me.”
Her head shook as Saint took her hand into his. “And what if it’s not yours? Then what? I’ll be stuck with a baby I didn’t even want.”
Saint considered her dilemma before responding. “Can you do the DNA test now? If it’s mine, keep the baby. When you have it, sign your rights over to me.”
“And if it’s not yours?”
“I’ll have no say in what you do, but if this is my baby, I don’t want you to give up on them. At least let me talk to your doctor and see what the odds are myself.”
“Do you understand the risk you’ll be taking, Saint? Watching me carry this baby, waiting for this baby, just for it t-to…” She couldn’t even get the words out before more tears were pouring. Tristan covered her face, and Saint pulled her into his arms. Resting his chin on top of her head, he closed his eyes as she sobbed. “I can’t give birth to this baby just for it to die, Saint.”
Squeezing his eyes, Saint pulled in a deep breath and tried to compose himself. Taking her plight into consideration, Saint said, “At the end of the day, it’s your body and your choice. I’ll have to agree to whatever you decide. If you’re dead set on not having this baby, it’ll probably be best if I don’t know that it’s mine. That shit will eat me alive.”
Tristan wrapped her arms around him as she cried harder, and Saint held her until her tears subsided. Whimpering softly, she removed herself from him and wiped her face.
“When I first got here, I prayed this was your baby. I wanted to hurt you in the worst way possible—that’s why I wanted to tell you.” She paused, wrapping her arms around herself. “But the longer I waited for you to get here, the more I realized just how fucked up that was of me. All you’ve ever done was be a great friend to me, Saint. And when I wanted more, you gave it honestly, making sure I understood you weren’t capable of being the romantic partner I needed. I’m the one that chose to settle for the little that you offered, so I shouldn’t have used your career to punish you for not being faithful to me. For that, I truly apologize.”
Saint was so caught off guard by her words he couldn’t even respond right away. Sure, he’d had his dark nights of the soul where he took full responsibility for what had transpired between him and Tristan. He told himself even though he was honest and upfront with her, he shouldn’t have put her in the position to deal with him sleeping with other women. Because he wasn’t capable of being a loving husband to Tristan, he shouldn’t have been her husband at all. But if Saint was to be honest with himself, he agreed to the marriage because he felt like he owed her.
She was his best friend, and there was no doubt in his mind that he’d never get married and have children. If she wanted to be his wife, it felt like a good way to honor her and reward her for being one of the few people he could trust in his life at that point. Every time he tried to take responsibility, he grew angry all over again at the choices Tristan made. This was the first time she’d sincerely acknowledged her wrongdoing and apologized for it, and that brought tears to his eyes. Swallowing hard, Saint nodded as he looked away to dry his eyes.
“I appreciate you saying that, thank you. And I’m sorry too. I thought I was doing right by being honest about what I had to offer and marrying you, but I shouldn’t have agreed to that shit, Tris. All of this could have been avoided if I would have stood firm on my lack of a desire to get married. I feel like I married you because you accepted me and wouldn’t expect more from me than I had to offer, and that wasn’t fair to you.”
“But that wasn’t your fault.” Tristan took his hand into hers. “You felt like I wouldn’t expect more because I told you I wouldn’t. That was on me. You told me what it was and even though I didn’t want that, I agreed. That was on me.”
Finally, Saint met her eyes, and it felt like the first time he saw Tristan in years.
“I’m sorry for not being the man you truly needed. Not being a good leader toward you. You deserved better than what I had to give, Tristan. We can both take responsibility for that.” She nodded, wiping a quickly fallen tear. “You’re still young, and you have a lot of life to live. Work on yourself, love yourself, and prepare for a man that can give you what you deserve. And like I said, I’ll support whatever decision you make.”
“Thank you,” she mumbled before sniffling.
“I’ma head out. Do you need anything before I go?” Her head shook. “When are you going back to L.A.?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Let me know what you decide to do. Either way, I’ll be there for you. Just keep me informed.”
