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“Okay,” Tristan agreed softly, trailing behind him as he headed to the door like a sad puppy. Though a part of Saint wanted to stay, he didn’t want anything to be said to put them on bad terms. For now, they appeared to have a truce, and Saint wanted them to remain at peace with each other until Tristan decided what she was going to do.
* * *
A week later,Saint was in California with Tristan. Until he was sure the baby was his, he decided not to tell Harmony what was going on. There was no point in her worrying about having to deal with baby mama drama if the baby wasn’t his or if Tristan was going to continue with the abortion. He did tell Harmony that Tristan was struggling with something that concerned him and promised to tell her everything once a decision was made, but he left it at that.
Harmony respected his decision, but she did seem a bit anxious over the last week, and Saint hated putting her in that position. He knew she liked to be in control, so he couldn’t imagine how difficult it was for her to know something was going on with Saint that involved his ex-wife and not have all the details. As much as Saint tried to not be affected by it… he was. He’d almost shut down completely this past week because his own anxiety over what Tristan was going to do was on the rise.
Because of the connections and money they had, Tristan was able to get an emergency appointment with her gynecologist and expedited DNA test. Before giving him the results of the DNA test, her doctor went over the facts just as she’d explained them to Tristan. She made it clear that around forty percent of babies born to women with syphilis, untreated, can be stillborn or die from the infection as a newborn.
Babies born with congenital syphilis can have severe anemia, bone damage, enlarged liver, jaundice, and spleen or nerve problems causing blindness or deafness, meningitis, or skin rashes. As long as Tristan started her treatment thirty days before delivery, her chances of having a healthy delivery were greatly increased compared to someone who hadn’t gotten treatment, but the risks were still high, and Saint understood why Tristan didn’t want to try and carry full term.
Doctor Robinson gave them a moment to talk while she went to retrieve the DNA test results.
“Do you understand now why I don’t want to have this baby?” Tristan asked when they were alone in the office.
“You don’t want to have the baby because you don’t want to have a baby right now. The syphilis shit has nothing to do with it.”
Tristan scoffed. “The syphilis haseverythingto do with it.”
“You said at the hotel that regardless of if the baby was mine or not you didn’t want it. You’re using the syphilis as an excuse to get an abortion. That’s why you haven’t gotten your treatment yet. You know the longer you wait, the more risks there will be, and eventually, I’m going to agree with you getting that shit done. Even if I don’t, there’s a chance the baby won’t survive anyway.”
When Tristan didn’t respond, Saint sucked his teeth with a shake of his head. He stood, laughing in anger as he prepared to leave the office.
“Where are you going?”
“I don’t need to know if that baby is mine or not. You don’t want this baby, so you’re not going to carry it, even if the doctor can run enough tests to confirm they would be healthy.”
“If you didn’t plan to be here for me, what the fuck did you even come for, Saint?”
With his hand on the doorknob, Saint considered her question. As angry as he was, that anger was covered with hurt—hurt knowing a baby he didn’t even want wouldn’t have the chance to survive because of the woman he’d had the baby with. All that bullshit about not wanting kids flew out the window as soon as he saw Tristan’s stomach. Whether he wanted kids or not, Saint was fully prepared to step up and give his baby the life they deserved—the life he didn’t have with his own parents. Now, he felt robbed of that opportunity all over again.
“I was hoping I was wrong about you. That you weren’t going through the motions just to have me close or to hurt me.” He turned to face her. “Can you look me in my eyes and tell me you honestly considered carrying this baby full term when you told me to come here?” When her eyes shifted and head hung, Saint chuckled again as his eyes watered. “Like I said, it’s your body, Tristan. Do whatever the hell you want, just keep me the fuck out of it.”
“Saint…”
Ignoring her calling his name, Saint briskly made it down the hall, hoping he’d make it outside before a tear fell. He was unsuccessful, swiping the tear away as soon as it left his eye. Saint didn’t understand how he could be attached to a baby that he wasn’t even sure was his yet. A baby he didn’t even want until he knew it was there. There was no way in hell he could sit there and hear the doctor confirm the baby was his, just to hear Tristan say she wanted to proceed with the abortion.
The closer he got to the door, the further away it seemed. His lungs felt like they were constricting, and his eyes blurred from the tears. Almost jogging out of the building, Saint pulled in deep lungs of air, hunched over with his hands on his knees. Regulating his breathing and palpitating heart, Saint finally allowed the tears to fall. He’d done a good work of moving on and letting seeds of love and happiness be planted along the cracks of his heart that were left by Tristan, but he wasn’t sure how anything good would come out of this…
* * *
“I’m sorry, baby,”Harmony whispered, placing a kiss on his cheek.
He’d been back in Memphis for forty-eight hours. That morning, he received a screenshot from Tristan with the DNA test results. The baby was his, and she’d proceeded with the abortion. Not only did she proceed with the abortion, but she’d made a long drawn out post about how the death of their baby symbolized the death of their relationship—permanently.
How she wanted nothing to do with him or tying her to him for the rest of her life. How she finally reached her breaking point and realized there was nothing she could do to earn the love of a man who didn’t want her in that way. Saint didn’t even have the stomach to be upset by her post. He was too heartbroken over the fact that she was pregnant with his baby and the baby was no more.
He tried to tell himself that the upside was not having to be tied to Tristan for life, but nothing could serve as a balm over his bruised heart at that point. Saint didn’t think Tristan could take away anything of value from him after she stole his music… but she’d just proven once and for all that he was wrong about that.
ChapterThirty-One
Harmony
February
“I don’t knowwhat to do,” Harmony confessed, eyes watery.
Saint had been in a funk over the abortion, and it was hurting Harmony as each day went by. He’d stopped trying to live, and that was too reminiscent of Keith. The last thing she wanted was for Saint to seep into a depressed state that he couldn’t shake. Saint stopped leaving the house, he hadn’t been talking to anyone except her and Cartier when they came over, and she had to force him to eat. All he’d been doing was lying around in bed, and Harmony had never seen him so low.
