Drake didn’t have the option to return to his townhouse without me.
After those things I overheard at my house, the cruel things that I suspect were fired at a vulnerable, teenage Ryder Huntington, a few last words he said to me before leaving for college make a lot more sense.
Honestly, a few things he’s said recently make sense too.
Drake steps into the kitchen. He looks terrified. Good.
“He asleep?” I ask, voice terse.
Drake rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah.”
“Good.” I tip my head toward the chair across his small table. “Sit.”
Drake grew a brain in the last few hours and doesn’t argue. He sits and laces his fingers over the table.
I’m strategically remaining silent. Let the pressure build, let him squirm. It doesn’t take long.
Drake lets out a sigh. He drags his fingers through his messy, wheat-golden hair. “You’re going to hate me.”
“Probably. But I also have this annoying thing called shared DNA, so I sort of love you by default too.”
“I hate myself for the things I said to him. I knew he would take everything literal, and I said them anyway.” He picks at a small sliver on his table.
“You wanted him to go, didn’t you?”
“At the time, yes. But it didn’t last long.”
My skin heats with frustration. “Did you know I’ve spent all this time believing he decided to leave because I might not be able to have kids? I really convinced myself he thought I wasdefectiveor something.”
Drake’s eyes widen in a kind of horror. “Ava.”
“Don’t worry,hequickly corrected me when wegot back together.” I enunciate each word. “And we are together, Drake. Because there are some connections that can’t be broken, and mine never broke from Ryder. So, you’re going to tell me what role you had to play in splitting all of us up.”
It takes a moment for him to speak again, but when he does, his voice is rough and low. “I’m not trying to say I was struggling as much as you, Avie, but please try to understand . . . watching you go through all that, it was a living hell.”
My heart softens. A little. “I know, Drake. I needed you, but I needed Ryder too. What did you say to him?”
He hesitates. “I’m the one who told him about the design program here.”
“Why? I told you I was going to Washington.”
“Because you wanted to do design. I thought you were giving up everything you wanted to do all to please Ryder.”
“Do you know me at all?” I rub my temples, gathering my words. “I made the planswithhim. Iwantedto be with him. I was already looking at a design program at another school in Washington, architecture was my backup plan.”
“I didn’t know.”
“Because you chose not to ask me. You thought you knew best, right?”
“I freaked, Avie.” Drake looks horribly despondent. He covers his face, a crack of emotion in his voice. “For those few months, I thought . . .” He shakes his head. “I thought you could die, okay? Your doctor was here, and in my immature head, I was convinced if you left, the cancer would come back.”
“Drake . . .”
“No, I know it’s stupid. I know there are oncologists in other states, obviously. But I couldn’t reason that out in my head. I was too scared to lose you. But with the pregnancy on top of it all, I don’t know, I convinced myself you were going to end up like our mom. Messed up, alone all the time, and with kids you resented.”
My heart doesn’t soften. It breaks. I rest a hand on his forearm. “How could I have ended up that way? Wehaveamazing parents now. We have each other. We . . . we had Ryder who would’ve given up every single dream he had if he believed I was unhappy. You know that.”
Drake has tears in his eyes. I haven’t seen my brother get so emotional since the night my sister-in-law died.
