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She stood in front of the mirror with her back to it, her gaze soft. There was a small crease of concern between her fair brows.
She was so beautiful. Dressed all in silver and looking like spun starlight.
His chest ached, the barbed wire digging in. She was going to make such a wonderful queen. A better queen than he was a king.
His expression must have given him away, because she came over to where he stood, her dress glittering with every step she took. ‘Something’s wrong.’ She stopped in front of him, the crease between her brows deepening. ‘What is it?’
She could read him so well, she always had. And he couldn’t keep it from her. She’d taught him about honesty and now he had to give it back to her.
‘This marriage between us,’ he said, keeping his voice very level and measured. ‘It isn’t one of the heart. You do understand that, don’t you?’
‘I’m not quite sure what you mean.’
‘I mean, we’re not marrying for love.’
‘I know.’ Expressions flickered across her face, gone so fast he couldn’t read any of them, but she clasped her hands, the beginnings of a hopeful smile curving her mouth. ‘But... I hope that eventually, given time, we might—’
‘No,’ he interrupted, the ice inside him creeping into his voice no matter how hard he tried to stop it. ‘That’s what I’m trying to say, Solace. Love willneverbe part of it.’
For a second there was shock on her face and a bright flare of what could only be anguish in her eyes. Then it was gone, nothing but the guardedness he remembered from when she’d first tried to blackmail him returning. ‘Can I ask why?’ Her tone gave nothing away.
‘Because love was never a part of my life,’ he said bluntly. ‘I know what it isn’t, but I couldn’t tell you what it is. And I feel that you should know that before we marry.’
Her chin lifted in that challenging way she had and she gave him a look that was almost regal. ‘And why did you feel that I should know that?’
Tension pulled his muscles rigid, and he found himself wishing that he could take her in his arms and kiss her senseless so she wouldn’t ask him these questions. So they wouldn’t have to have this conversation. But it was too late to take what he’d said back and so he went on, ‘Because I want you to be clear what I can and cannot give you. I can promise you the life you always wanted and a crown too, as well as a family. But love will not be a part of it.’ He took a silent breath, because he could see only one way out for her. ‘I won’t break my promise to you. I gave you my word that I wouldn’t change my mind, and I haven’t. But the choice to go through with this marriage is yours. And if you decide not to, then I understand.’
Solace stared at him, and he couldn’t have said what she was thinking. Then, abruptly, anger sharpened in her gaze. ‘I see. You haven’t got the guts to break it off yourself, so you’re going to make me do it?’
This time the shock was his, echoing through him, cold as a north wind, a growing anger coming along behind it. ‘No, that’s not what I said. I don’t want to get out of it.’ He took a step towards her. ‘I mean to marry you, believe me. But I needed you to know that if you’re looking for love from me, you won’t get it.’
He stood there radiating tension, looking impossibly gorgeous in dark trousers and a shirt of midnight blue. His eyes, though, had gone dark, the lines of his beautiful face rigid.
She didn’t understand why they were having this conversation. His proclamation about love had seemed to come out of the blue. Or perhaps not. She’d told him about Katherine and the princess bed, because the words had just fallen right out of her. It had felt natural to tell him, and when he’d looked at her in the mirror and said that people were fools not to want her and that he’d buy her a princess bed, there had been nothing but conviction in his eyes.
Her heart had tightened in that moment, as if someone had wrapped their fingers around it and squeezed hard, and so she’d told him he made her feel like a queen, because it was the truth. And more than that, she felt likehisqueen.
Yet then he’d pulled away.
She’d been too honest, hadn’t she? She’d let her feelings show, feelings that had been building inside her for the past week they’d been together, that had coalesced that moment he’d looked into her eyes in the mirror and told her she was a queen.
She could feel it inside her now, a longing, an ache. And she knew that continuing to argue with him about this was betraying herself even further and that he would know. But suddenly she didn’t care.
This marriage with him was something she’d come to want, but not only for Leo. All her life she’d wanted safety and stability, a home, a family, and he was going to give her that. But now, as she looked at him, so impossibly beautiful, the dense blue of his eyes full of shadows, she knew that wasn’t enough.
She wanted him. She wanted to love him and be loved by him in return. And she was going to argue for it, because the objections he was giving her didn’t make any sense. ‘Why not?’ she asked.
A muscle flicked in his hard jaw. ‘I told you. How can love ever be a part of our marriage when I have no idea what love is?’
‘I don’t believe that. You think anyone ever loved me growing up? You think any one of those families ever cared about me? No, they didn’t. But I know what love is, Galen, because I love our son.’ She took a step towards him, wanting him to understand. ‘And you can’t tell me you don’t love him. I see your face when you look at him, when you smile at him. Whether you know it or not, you love him just as much as I do.’
‘Is it love, Solace?’ His voice was cool. ‘Or is it because he’s my heir and I’m supposed to feel that way?’
He couldn’t possibly think that.Whywould he think that? He was Leo’s father, and she could see the love in his eyes when he held Leo in his arms. He had to feel it just as she did.
Why would he? When he was brought up by a man who hated him?
She’d been brought up by people who hadn’t cared about her, too. Except...there had been times where she’d seen moments of caring in a playground, where a mother would comfort a crying child. Or even in the street, a husband pulling his wife in for an embrace and a kiss. Brief moments, enough to wonder what it would be like to have those for herself.
