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“How do you know?”
“Because I’ve seen how you’ve opened up to me in the short amount of time we’ve known each other. I’ve seen the effort you put in to get to know Mama and my dumbass brothers.” He grins. “I’ve seen your friendship with Natalie. You’re not giving yourself enough credit.”
His words sink in, and I hope he’s right. I know I’ll love this baby no matter what, but the insecurities continue to weigh on me. I think about the times Rylie looked so helpless, and how badly I wanted to fix it all for her but couldn’t.
“After Rylie passed, I shut down. For a long time. I think part of that still haunts me. Then when I started nursing school and my clinicals, I dug back to that time and shut down that part of my brain, so I could emotionally separate myself from getting too close. Focusing on the facts and patient treatments was my way of keeping those feelings at bay. My professors would praise me for how well I handled certain situations, and the more I heard it, the more I kept it below the surface. I don’t know. Now that I’m saying it aloud, it all sounds so stupid.”
Before I can drop my head, Alex catches my chin and tilts it toward him. “It’s not stupid, River. Nothing you feel is stupid. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t carry my own burden of insecurities. I’m scared shitless to be a father. I still can’t believe it, but I know when the time comes, as long as you’re by my side, there’s nothing we won’t be able to figure out.”
“You really think so?”
“I do.”
“This kid is going to have the most obnoxious uncles.” I laugh.
“They really are.” He chuckles, and soon we’re both laughing hysterically.
“It’s hard not to think about Rylie at times like this because I want nothing more than to be able to talk to her about everything. About you. About her being an aunt. I know she was sick, but she had so much life in her. Had so much life to live that she was robbed of. It’s not fair.” I close my eyes when the tears start to surface. I hate crying in general but even more now that I’m pregnant. The emotions are ten times more intense.
Alex doesn’t speak. Instead, he crawls over the center console and wraps me up in his arms. While he holds me, I cry against his chest until the tears dry out.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
ALEX
I never want to let River go, not when she’s giving me her heart and opening herself up to me. The emotions she shared were raw and deep, and I knew she’d been harboring those feelings for a while. After we drove home, I thanked her for sharing herself with me and reassured her I’d always be there for her, no matter what. That’s one promise I intend to keep.
The next morning, Benita picks up River, and they head straight to the dining hall to make sure everything and everyone are in place. Considering most of my family can’t keep a secret to save their lives, I’m more than shocked when I pick up Mama, and she has containers of muffins packed and ready to go.
“What’s this for?” I ask as she hands them over to me to carry.
“I made dessert for the spaghetti benefit. No one even mentioned that, so I thought I’d surprise everyone and bring my famous muffins.” She smiles, actin’ real proud of herself.
I try hard to hold my poker face because the moment she realizes she baked muffins for her own party, she might die laughing or at least everyone else will.
“Where’s River?” Mama asks politely.
“Benita asked her if she’d help, and she agreed.” I smile, actually telling the truth.
Mama’s pleased with that answer. “That’s real sweet of her.”
After I place the muffins in the backseat of Mama’s Cadillac, I open the door for her.
“Patsy told me a ton of tickets were sold for the benefit. That makes me so happy,” Mama says with a big smile, climbing in. On the drive over, I play along, and she doesn’t suspect a thing, chatting about how much money they’re gonna raise. The story Aunt Patsy and Aunt Charlotte came up with is flawless, and I can’t wait to see the look on Mama’s face when she realizes everyone’s really there to celebrate her birthday.
As we pull into the parking lot, Mama smiles big, excited to see it jam-packed with cars. People are parked on the grass, and some are lined on the street, and I’m almost shocked by how many people showed up. But it’s a small town, and there’s not too much more for people to be doing on a Saturday afternoon.
She looks over at me as we unbuckle. “I don’t think I made enough muffins.”
