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“For hurting you. For hurting your mom. For hiding the truth from all of you for all this time.”
My eyebrows nearly fell off my forehead. I was not expecting all this when I had come over to the kitchen to grab a beer. My father looked like he was on the brink of tears. He’d always been a bit of a crier, but this felt different, like he was struggling with something heavy and painful. Something that gnawed at him from the inside. He put a hand on the back of his neck.
“Hiding what?” I asked, growing worried.
“Hiding my—”
“What’s dad crying about now?” Kendall’s voice was like nails on a chalkboard. They grated at my nerves, making the hair on my arms stand straight. I had always had a difficult time connecting with Kendall, and this trip wasn’t making that any easier by any means.
My dad instantly retreated back into his shell. His back straightened, and his bottom lip stiffened. He turned and closed the cupboard door with a bit of a slam. “Nothing,” he said as Jackson entered the kitchen. He held an empty wine bottle in his hand, wearing a T-shirt from one of Dolly Parton’s concerts. That used to be my mom’s favorite artist.
Just a coincidence, I’m sure.
The mood in the kitchen instantly shifted. As if an invisible force swept in and made the air ten degrees colder and twenty pounds heavier. “Kendall, you can be a little bit softer with your words, you know.”
“Don’t therapize me, Colton. I don’t have to be soft with anything. Words, life, men.” She put a hand on Jackson’s shoulder and hung off him like a monkey about to climb up a tree.
I rolled my eyes. My sister was older than me but acted as if she was fifteen years younger. Her maturity levels were lacking, which probably explained why she and my mom never got along.
Kendall lighting my mom’s house on fire likely didn’t help their relationship.
“If we interrupted anything, I’m sorry.” Jackson’s apology caught me by surprise, and judging by my father’s cracked jaw, it caught him by surprise, too. Kendall even looked up at Jackson with a face that said he’d need to do some explaining later.
“It was nothing, it’s fine,” my dad said. He cleared his throat and clapped his hands together. The warm smile and kind eyes slowly appeared back in their proper places. “I’m going to bed, but let’s try and have a good day tomorrow, alright? We’ve got the field day set up. That should be fun, huh? And then we’ve got a murder-mystery dinner planned. So let’s just let go of everything that happened and try to honor Amelia’s memory the best we can.” My dad gave me and my sister a pointed look. “Okay?”
We nodded in unison, like we were back to being little kids promising to be on our best behavior. He left the kitchen, taking whatever confession he was about to make with him. I knew I had to go talk to Eric about this. He’d be the only one I could vent to, the only one who could make this all make sense. I had to go find him.
And maybe we could even fool around for a little before. Just to clear my head, of course.
“Where the hell are you going?” Kendall asked as I grabbed a beer from the fridge. “Sorry, were those words too harsh for you?”
“No, the only thing that’s harsh here is the charcoal eyeshadow you thought was a good idea to slather around your eyes. Looks like you went chimney diving.”
I turned on my heel and left my sister speechless. Don’t come after a gay sibling if you aren’t ready to get read. Sorry. I didn’t make the rules.
Just followed them.
23
ERIC RUIZ
“Oh, you should have seen her face,” Colton said, laughing. “She was shocked. Served her right—that eyeshadow really was a crime against humanity.”
We were in the yard, walking down the cobblestone path that led out past the tall wooden fence that surrounded the property, opening onto a trail that traced its way around the deep purple fields of sweet smelling lavender surrounding the property. Colton had been explaining what had happened in the kitchen, ending it with the burn he’d left on his sister.
“Was your dad okay?” I asked.
“I’m not sure,” he answered, his voice trailing off. I heard some worry in his tone, some anxiety. I couldn’t imagine how unmoored he felt, having to come back to one of his mother’s favorite places without her while dealing with some turbulent family dynamics. It was painful to watch. I wanted to do all I could to protect him, to wrap him up in my arms and keep him safe from all the bullshit the world wanted to throw his way.
The night was a quiet one. I looked up at the star-filled sky, wondering how the hell my life had landed me here. A serene sense of calm and peace filled me as I looked to my left, Colton walking alongside me, his knuckles grazing mine as our hands gravitated toward each other. Like two magnets constantly getting pulled together.
