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“Tams don’t.”
“Don’t tell me not to cry, you stupid woman. Do you know how worried I’ve been? I thought we’d lost you and it would have been my fault.”
“Tams it wasn’t. You didn’t know the place was going to go up in flames and even if something had happened to me, it would have been because I made a choice, okay? I wasn’t going to let anything happen to you or Nic. She needs her mother, and you need her.”
“You need someone too Paige,” she stated. “You’re still in love with him, aren’t you?”
“It doesn’t matter, okay? As soon as I get the mine in order I’m going back to Maine.”
“Why in hell would you do something as dumb as that Paige? Joel is crazy about you. I saw it when he sent us on. He was tearing himself in two making sure we got on the chopper safely while wanting to get you. So why aren’t you with him completely? Jesse filled me in on the way here that you’re refusing to admit that you’re a couple that you’re sleeping with him, but you can barely acknowledge him in public.”
“It’s not that simple Tams.”
“No? You’re in love with him, he’s in love with you, what else matters? I’ve seen you with Nic you’re beyond amazing with her and Joel…he surprised me with how much he protected her without even knowing her. You just need to get off your butt and marry that man. Then maybe I can become Aunt Tami and spoil your kids then send them back.”
“That’s never going to happen, Tams.”
“It would if you’d let it.”
“No, it won’t. I can’t have children, not anymore,” she sighed unable to look at her best friend.
“What? Paigey, please tell me this doesn’t have to do with the miscarriage ten years ago.”
“No, when Dad had his heart attack Joel was there. We sat in almost total silence for two days just willing him to make it and then he woke up. I was exhausted and so was Joel…add in the statement from the doctors that he should be fine, and one thing led to another.”
“You never said a word about him being there,” Tristan said kneeling between the bed and the chair.
“I know…a couple weeks later I realized I was late, and it turns out I was pregnant.”
“What? Holy Christ Paige,” Tami gasped. “Oh, honey what happened?”
“It was an ectopic pregnancy. I’d just made the decision to go home and tell Joel about it, about everything, but fate stepped in. There were complications and as a result I can’t have kids.”
“Wait, you mean to tell me, you’re refusing to have a complete relationship with Joel because you can’t have kids?” Tristan questioned.
“As Tami said he’s great with kids and I know he wants them. I can’t be the one to give them to him.”
“Do you really think that matters to him?” Tami said shaking her head.
“He’ll end up regretting not having children of his own and that’ll lead him to hate me. It’s over between us. It has been for ten years.”
“Oh bullshit, Paige,” Tristan stated angrily. “We’ve watched you for ten years. Every time someone would try and get close to you, you’d push them away. No one was good enough for you. You’re constantly talking about moving forward but you can’t. You’re still stuck as the twenty-year-old girl who’s too scared to tell the man she loves she’s pregnant, who’s too angry that no one will listen to her. You take the stupidest chances of anyone around but yet you always come through. How I don’t know because your luck should have been up long ago.”
“Tris is right Paige. What are you so scared of?”
“I’m not scared of anything…”Liar, flew through her own mind but she pushed it away.
“Yes, you are. You’re scared of failing, aren’t you? That’s it,” Tami said as her eyes lit up with understanding. “You take the chances you do because if they fail it’s not really your fault. It was impossible to start with so it’s easier to let it roll off your back. You push people away because then you can’t fail them, don’t you?”
“So-what if I do? God, why did I answer that phone call? If I’d never gone back there then I wouldn’t be tearing myself apart right now trying to do the right thing.”
“Leaving Joel before he can leave you?” Tristan inquired. “That’s not going to happen, Paige. He didn’t leave you on the mountain by yourself and I don’t think he left you ten years ago either, what really happened?”
“Seems Joel had bought the old Jasper place, the house I’d told you about…”
“The old farmhouse that was falling down?” Tami asked.
“Yeah, he bought it and went to tell my dad that he wanted to marry me. Dad told him it was a bad idea, that I needed to grow up, away from the mine before marrying him. Do you know how crazy that is? I was pushing Joel because I was pregnant, and my father talks him out of it.”
