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“And because you wouldn’t tell him the truth you ended up at school with me and then lost the baby,” Tami said taking her hand.
“Yeah, I hated myself forsolong because I didn’t tell Joel, and I hated him for being a coward. Now I find out how much they manipulated me and it just…I can’t do it. I can’t let them in again knowing what I do. I can’t love them when the entire time I know it’s going to end.”
“Okay they overstepped but Paige it’s over. Look at what you’ve done with your life, how many lives you’ve saved.”
“All the while mine’s being destroyed bit by bit…ironic huh? I can rescue everyone but myself.”
“That’s not true. You got yourself unstuck and away from the fire without any help. Slow down Paige…you rush through life trying to get to the next moment before the current one’s over. You say you can’t be with Joel because you can’t give him a child well, that’s stupid. Who cares if the child doesn’t come from you? You love Nicole like your own and if anything happened to Tris and me, you’d be the first one to take her in.”
“Tami’s right, Paige, biology doesn’t matter love does.”
“Please don’t give me the whole ‘love makes the world go round’ speech because I might physically hurt you if you do.”
“Come on Paige, you don’t run from things so why this? Why can’t you just let Joel love you? Why can’t you let yourself be happy with him?” Tami questioned.
“Because it hurts too much when I lose him, and I know I will. Do you think I like being alone? I hate it but it’s easier than waiting for the other shoe to drop. When I lost him ten years ago, I didn’t think I’d survive and then I lost the baby…you were there, you know how much that hurt. I just can’t do it. I can’t give him my heart again because I don’t even know if it works.”
“Yes, it does Paige, everything you’ve done to bring me and Nic home, to get your family out of the mine…you have the biggest heart in the world.”
“Is that why it hurts all the time?” she laughed trying to blink back her own tears. “I’ve tried to be okay with never having kids of my own but I’m not…I can’t be.”
“So that’s the real reason? You don’t want to open your heart up to Joel to see him love you and be okay with having only you because you do want a family. Aw sweetie, it sucks but you can have a family without carrying a child,” Tami said squeezing her hand tightly.
“And when or if we find a child, we want to adopt, and something happens at the last minute to tear them away from me too…what then?”
“That won’t happen but if it does, you’ll get through it together. You lean on the other for support and your Joel has some pretty fine shoulders,” she said with a grin.
“I can’t. I’m a magnet for danger. Look at the last five weeks, the cave-in at the mine where my entire family is trapped. Brent and Greg nearly drowning in the cavern because Brent got trapped. You and Nic…no one should be close to me for their own safety.”
“Really? To me it looks like you’re a magnet for a positive outcome,” Tristan said giving her a hug. “You got everyone out of the mine safely. You brought Brent and Greg back to their parents and you brought Tami and Nic back to me.”
“You don’t know the nickname everyone has for you do you Paige?” Tami inquired.
“You mean the crazy and insane wacko?”
“The Lucky ‘Page’ that’s what they call you sweetie, you know why? Because you always write down your plans on paper before you hand out the instructions, so everyone knows what to do…dumb but true,” Tami smiled at her.
“I can’t…I can’t deal with losing someone again or losing more of myself so let’s just drop it so I can go get some pizza with my favorite goddaughter, okay?”
“Alright, we’ll drop it for now, but this isn’t over Paige, is it Tris?”
“Not by a long shot and don’t think your Joel’s going to let you go so easily this time Paige. I’d say they’ve finally seen you’ve grown up. Even if you haven’t grown out of being that girl.”
She sighed knowing they wouldn’t let up and kissed Tami’s cheek before turning to go. “I’ll see you before we head home. I’m not sure when that’ll be but I’ll let you know.”
“Damned straight you will,” she said shooting her husband a glance that he shook his head at. “Go on, I think a nap’s in order.”
Paige laughed. Tami didn’t take naps she just wanted to talk to Tristan alone.
Chapter 21
“Paige how many times have we said to stay out of here?” Dawson yelled at her as she picked her way through the half-cleared valley. “One wrong move and you’ll tumble head first into the boulders.”
“How many times have I told you that I can manage?” she countered tightening her grip on the handles of the crutches. She had a doctor’s appointment in a bit, and she hoped to get rid of them and come home with a walking boot. It would make her life much better. Four weeks of using them was enough.
“Paige, what the hell are you doing here?” Joel asked marching up behind her. “We wanted you to stay at the office not come down here and tell us what we’re doing wrong.”
“But it’s so much more fun to do that than sit in a stuffy office all day where either no one talks to you, or they hover so much you can’t do anything. You should know by now that I don’t take orders.”
